It Terrifies Me to Ask for What I Want

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  1. You just described me…to a tee. I guess I will be watching Inside Out.

    At some point recently, God has planted a seed of thought: I need to start using a different plan because “Put a lid on it!” doesn’t work. He showed me that He has people on my side, if I will take the risk to let them in. Also, I can be the help I wish I had had…after some much needed R&R.

  2. Hi. So should I be asking myself each moment ,what am I feeling? And what is it want? Are these the simple questions

  3. The opening section about trying not to feel and the one titled My Safer Strategy is me to a ‘T’.

    I think some of this comes from having intense emotions as a 7 year old during my parent’s arguments. If this was what emotions did to grown-ups, I didn’t want to have them. After the split, neither of my parents talked to me about what happened, or my feelings, so this just reinforced this ‘don’t have feelings and don’t talk about anything’ mentality. I would hide out in my closet (like a fort) and distract myself with books, hiding out in some other world. It’s totally not working for me, and I hope that I can use this resource to make some changes.

  4. So true! I really appreciate your insight into this “strategy”. It hasn’t worked for me either. I am in the midst of trying to learn how to identify my feelings. And yep, lots of sadness. Looking forward to learning how to do each step “naturally”.

  5. Cheri, I took the time to read some of my piling email. I related to everything you wrote. What’s challenging for me at this time is that I am living with two very strong personalities. My not knowing my emotions and what I want leaves me angry just like you said. Even though I am away right now, I’m expecting myself to be totally okay but found the anger boiling up at me today. I was very surprised. Who gets upset on vacation in a beautiful spot on the coast?
    Yikes, I feel lonely and confused!
    Thanks for writing this blog post

    1. I too live with two very strong personalities . I am too nice and they take advantage, or is it O just am not getting my needs met and I’m angry about it

  6. Cheri, this is one of the best posts I have ever read! You are my long-lost twin, and we didn’t even have to do DNA testing to find each other! You have described me perfectly. Lisa Ann B. and I need to move in next door to you, one on each side. What would THAT do to the neighborhood??

  7. Lisa Ann Berryhill says:

    OHMYGOSH! Oh. My. Gosh. This is ME! I can relate to every bit of this type of thinking. And to make it more complicated, I have wrapped these choices in the message of the Gospel with all the scriptures to go with which would justify these SELFLESS choices! 53 years old and JUST now seeing it, discovering it for what it is. I had to go through a sort of shameful grieving. {How could I be this OLD and not have seen this before?! Has everyone around me known this is my problem and just never TOLD me? Am I ever going to be able to change my deeply rutted thinking and automatic responses?} Oy vey. Thank you for communicating so well a tricky scenario of the heart and mind, that unfortunately is not altogether rare in the Christian community. May we continue to grow, learn and reflect the love of G*d even through our misconceptions! Thanks again.

  8. I can totally relate to everything you write here, because I’ve done and thought most of it!

    I would also add the thought that what I’m feeling/needing is SO completely obvious that the people I love should see what I feel/need. And when they don’t give it to me, I get angry because they are ignoring me! Of course, most of the time it isn’t as obvious to them as it is to me 🙂