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Why “Good Enough” Has Been a Hard Lesson to Learn

by Cheri Gregory

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

“Good Enough.”

It sounds so good in theory.

For decades, I’ve wanted to make it a reality. But when you’re a recovering perfectionist, where do you even start? (Or, for over-attempters, where do you stop?)

So you can imagine my delight when, a few weeks ago, I discovered what Good Enough means, quite by accident.

I was editing an episode of Grit ‘n’ Grace, the podcast Amy Carroll and I co-host. We’d recorded it late in the day, when we were both tired and you could totally tell—our voices had zero enthusiasm.

“It’s not too bad,” I kept assuring myself.

I desperately wanted to be done. The last thing I wanted to do was re-record the episode. But an hour later, I was still trying to convince myself, “It’s not too bad.”

Suddenly, it occurred to me:  “not too bad” is the lower boundary of the Good Enough meaning!

Anxious for a rule to follow (!), I grabbed pen and paper to sketch out what the full range from Perfect to Good Enough to Not That Bad (and below) might look like.

But right away, I got stuck.

good enough meaning

Good Enough Meaning What, Exactly?

For podcast editing, my sketch looked like this:

Good Enough Meaning IMAGE A

Then I remembered my father’s quadruple by-pass surgery fifteen years ago. For that situation, the range of Good Enough looked more like this:

Good Enough Meaning FAILURE image

There is no one-size-fits-all rule, because the range of Good Enough meaning differs according to context. In some situations, the scope of Good Enough meaning is broad; in others, incredibly narrow.

On the one hand, this realization felt so very freeing.

I’ll bet the range of Good Enough for loading a dishwasher is HUGE!

On the other hand, it left me perplexed.

  • Why am I just now figuring out that in many circumstances, Good Enough is a vast and forgiving space?
  • Why have I spent my life believing that in all situations, the range of Good Enough is narrow to non-existant?
  • Why have I only seen Perfection and Failure while so many people see so much Good Enough?

As I thought back to my father’s surgery, the answer came to me.

I grew up in a medical family. And I married someone who did, too.

When There’s No Such Thing as “Good Enough”

My father is an infectious disease specialist. The wrong diagnosis can mean death.

During high school, I worked in a hospital clinical lab, hand-posting lab reports to patient charts. I was keenly aware that one mistake — putting a report in the wrong chart — could mean death.

I spent my college summers as a legal secretary at a medical malpractice defense firm. I devoted hours a day to transcribing depositions. In case after case, one mistake caused death.

My husband recalls sitting in his father’s lab, hours at a time, watching him make meticulous measurements. After all, one mistake could lead to someone’s death.

So the two of us entered marriage and parenthood with the unspoken belief Mistakes lead to death! etched into our very souls.

This belief was so deep, so assumed, we never questioned it.

It never occurred to us to ask, “Is that ‘All mistakes lead to death’ or just ‘Some mistakes lead to death’ or even ‘Certain kinds of mistakes lead to death’?”

Not Every Mistake is a Matter of Life and Death

You may not come from a medical family, but perhaps you resonate with this truth in your own way:

When every mistake is a matter of life and death, everyone is miserable.

Looking back, I feel so sorry for my younger self, running so scared from failure, striving so hard for perfection. And I feel sorry for all the people who had to live and work with me.

At last week’s Global Leadership Summit, Bill Hybels noted, “There are no do-overs in life. But there are make-overs!”

We can’t go back and change the past, but we can learn to make new choices today.

As I’m making over my beliefs about mistakes, here’s what I’m learning:

In matters that aren’t life and death, the range of Good Enough options is likely to be large.

There are, in fact, many Good Enough ways to load a dishwasher.

Set a table.

Drive a car.

Paint a picture.

Support a friend.

Love a child.

There’s a wide range of Good Enough ways to do what matters most in life.

And the more we recognize the spectrum of “Good Enough” choices, the more we embrace — and share — God’s grace.

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Categorized: Cherished by God

About Cheri Gregory

I'm a collaborator at heart. With Kathi Lipp, I'm the co-author of You Don't Have to Try So Hard and Overwhelmed. With Amy Carroll, I'm the co-host of Grit 'n' Grace: The Podcast and co-author of Exhale. With Denise J. Hughes, I'm the co-author of Sensitive & Strong. I've been married to my college sweetheart, Daniel, for almost 32 years and have two adult children: Annemarie and Jonathon.

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Comments

  1. Charlotte Parker says

    August 9, 2017 at 10:47 am

    Even though I worked as an R.N. most of working life before retirement, I did not have that mentality of work perfectionism at our home…on the other hand, my husband was a perfectionist just on the projects he was completing around our home and acreage. We have taken many years to come to agreement when good is good enough!

    Reply
  2. Denise says

    March 22, 2017 at 7:07 pm

    “Good enough”…the very idea is foreign to me but life changing.

    Thank you!

    Reply
  3. Alicia says

    August 16, 2016 at 2:12 pm

    Wow…. I found myself just nodding my head. It seems that my parents always expected me to be perfect. Good enough wasn’t good enough for them. And now I work in a FDA regulated industry that expects perfection. So, I’ll strive for perfection in my job. However, I’ll work hard to remember the Good Enough is enough for many things.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    Reply
  4. Leslie says

    August 16, 2016 at 12:56 pm

    This is just awesome and provides much food for thought. Thank you for sharing! I struggle with perfection vs. good enough all the time. Good enough is so freeing if we can let go of perfection to be able to get there. Easier said than done!

    Reply
  5. GirlMom says

    August 16, 2016 at 8:29 am

    In fields where there is zero room for errors, like medicine, we put in place double checking protocols to decrease errors. It helps improve the load that perfectionism places on our jobs.

    Reply
  6. Kendra Burrows says

    August 16, 2016 at 8:24 am

    Awesome! Thanks for this insight today, Cheri.

    Reply
  7. Sandra Fritschle says

    August 16, 2016 at 8:17 am

    This perfectionist really appreciates your insight! I need to remember these guidelines throughout my day. Blessings on you!

    Reply

Hi, I’m Cheri Gregory. I’m delighted you’re here!

Cheri Gregory
I believe that every Highly Sensitive Christian woman can grow in confidence, candor, and contentment.

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