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When Disaster Strikes: Five Ways to Push Pause Rather Than React

by Cheri Gregory

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

“I’m still at a loss for words. How would YOU caption this photo? (Sarcasm = triple points.)”

When I posted this comment—along with this photo—to my Facebook page, the creative captions came flying in!

Not until that evening did it occur to me:

This entire episode was a good example of how to detach during the “everyday ordinaries” of life.

When Disaster Strikes 5 Ways to Push Pause Rather Than React

The Set Up

All day Monday, I’d been fighting irritation. You know, the kind that comes with monthly pain and hormones (I know: “TMI, Cheri!”) My self-discipline had already gotten a serious workout and was feeling weak from overuse.

I’d also spent the day doing various small home cleaning jobs. I tried to keep a positive attitude about each one, but it was a struggle; I so hate doing tasks that undo themselves so quickly! Two of my final jobs were—can you guess?!?—vacuuming and mopping the kitchen floor.

Right before I knocked the coffee mug off the counter, I’d been thinking to myself, AHhhhh. I’ve worked so hard today. Now the moment I’ve earned: I get to sit in my comfy prayer chair by the window and relaaaaaax.

The Trigger

When my elbow hit the cup, I was stunned.

Even as it sailed thru the air, I tried to figure out why. I realized that complying with Daniel’s request that I move the hot pot to a different place on the counter meant I’d misjudged my cup’s position.

Oh, how I wanted to make it all his fault! (Our family’s favorite competitive sport is the Pin-the-Blame, I’m afraid.)

How to Detach: 5 “PUSH PAUSE” Tools

I stood still for a good 15 to 20 seconds before reaching for paper towels. During that time, I used several “PUSH PAUSE” tools. Here they are, with brief descriptions.

1)  I interrupted myself.

I started thinking, “You have got to be kidding! I do NOT deSERVE this! I’m supPOSED to be SITting in my PRAYer CHAIR sipping my MOcha right now!” (On a different day, it might have been, “WHAT kind of KLUTZ are YOU? CAN’t you Even MAKE a MOcha without MAKing a MESS?”)

I interrupted this “in tense” thinking with, “You’ll be there soon” as a reassurance that extreme emotion was not necessary.

2) I controlled my breathing.

I took a slow, deep breath; held it for a few seconds; and then exhaled slowly. Several times. This countered the automatic reflex of inhaling sharply when surprised, which the body reads as alarm.

3) I kept my eyes open.

As I breathed in slowly, I widened my eyes and looked around slowly. This countered the automatic reflex of narrowing the field of vision when stressed, which tells the body it’s time to fight or run.

4) I reached for an A.N.C.H.O.R. verse.

Reaching for A.N.C.H.O.R. verses is an excellent strategy when you’re caught off guard.

In this case, I recalled 1 Thess. 5:18 — “In everything give thanks.” I thought, Well if that had been one of the tall glasses, I’d have shards of glass all over the floor. I’m grateful it was just plastic and liquid.

Even when I don’t feel grateful, I’m finding that trying to give thanks distracts my mind during the crucial “adrenaline dump” moments and keeps me in the rational end of the pool.

5) I laughed.

This was a conscious choice in response to the absurdity of having just cleaned the floor. I wanted to wallow in persecution and injustice. So I laughed at the mess AND my self. (Seriously, now: how ridiculous is it that I wanted to wallow?!?)

The Caveat

None of these worked for me the first time I tried them.

Or the tenth.

Some of them took weeks just to learn and then months to produce results. We’ll talk about practice and habit re-formation in future posts.

The Celebration

When I grabbed for my camera to snap a “Can You Believe THIS?!?” photo to post on Facebook, it occurred to me that I was safely on the other side of a pretty big wave.

Prior to 2012, I would have cried me a river over my spilled mocha. For me, this is progress.

So I celebrated with a “Thank you!” prayer as I mopped up my mess.

And then enjoyed a nice hot mocha in my comfy prayer chair.

 

If you’re seeking to learn how to detach rather than overreact, read the whole series:

  1.  “The One Thing NOT to Do When You Feel Overreactive“
  2.  “The Best Thing to Do When You Are Highly Emotional“
  3.  “How to Practice Detachment and Restore Your Peace“
  4.  “When Disaster Strikes: 5 Ways to Push Pause Rather Than React”
  5.  “How to Use ANCHOR Verses to Quickly Calm Your Heart”
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Categorized: The Basics

About Cheri Gregory

I'm a collaborator at heart. With Kathi Lipp, I'm the co-author of You Don't Have to Try So Hard and Overwhelmed. With Amy Carroll, I'm the co-host of Grit 'n' Grace: The Podcast and co-author of Exhale. With Denise J. Hughes, I'm the co-author of Sensitive & Strong. I've been married to my college sweetheart, Daniel, for almost 32 years and have two adult children: Annemarie and Jonathon.

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Comments

  1. Cecelia Boswell says

    July 18, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    Detachment has been working for me this year. The more I practice it, the better I become. I cannot take the test yet. I have to believe that I am strong enough to take it and to not let the questions deeply affect me.

    Reply
  2. Raven says

    February 15, 2018 at 10:51 pm

    Ahhh here i am crying because someone gets me. And i drop my coffee too. Man i need to like tatto this to my hand to read during these moments!

    Reply
  3. Amanda says

    October 15, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    Wow. The one about keeping our eyes open and looking around really opened MY eyes (pun intended!) 🙂

    I realized recently when in stores, where the emotions of others plus all the physical things like crowds, lights and products all around overwhelm me, I tend to narrow my field of vision. I had already been feeling a need to look around more, so this confirms and explains why! Awesome!

    Reply
  4. De Ann says

    September 17, 2017 at 8:30 am

    Can you please describe what an A.N.C.H.O.R. verse is (#4), above?
    Thank you! =)

    Reply
    • Cheri Gregory says

      September 17, 2017 at 9:03 pm

      Heya De Ann — A.N.C.H.O.R. verses are described in this 3-part series: https://sensitiveandstrong.com/the-right-way-to-lose-your-mind/

      Reply
      • De Ann says

        September 22, 2017 at 8:12 pm

        Oh, thank you so much. So good & Very helpful!

        Reply
  5. Nancy Kenaston says

    April 20, 2017 at 10:50 am

    Oh Cheri,
    I began to cry when you said “safely on the other side of a pretty big wave”. I SO get it! I cried because of RELIEF that I’m “starting” to learn this. Tears of joy that you are already learning it too! Tears of frustration at how long it’s taking. Tears of thankfulness that God keeps putting tools here, right in front of me, to help me cope. I just discovered you today, and I’m SO thankful for that!!! What a gift, you’re sharing your life, your lessons learned, your tools & tricks you’ve discovered. Thank you~

    Reply
  6. Cheryl says

    March 22, 2017 at 8:04 am

    I like them all! It’s a process. I fear without one of the “steps,” I might miss the celebration. I will give it a go…just hoping for a less extreme circumstance for my first attempt! 😉

    Reply
  7. Marianne says

    November 2, 2015 at 2:54 am

    This is such practical advice! I am going to use it this week. Also, I am really loving your book written with Kathi Lipp, “The Cure for the Perfect Life.” It is very relatable and helpful. Thank you!

    Reply
  8. Tricia @ The Domestic Fringe says

    July 18, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    Love how you let us know that these new habits (reactions) took time to develop. Sometimes, I’m so impatient. I want to be the person I think I should be right now, but it takes practice.
    ~FringeGirl

    Reply
    • Nancy Russell says

      February 3, 2018 at 1:25 pm

      I SO AGREE WITH THIS.

      Reply
  9. Leslie Schmidt says

    July 18, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    Recently I plugged up the sink putting too much stuff too fast down the garbage disposal (again). My husband was trying to help me with the plunger on one side while I held the stopper tight on the other side to get some suction. He was plunging and the plunger slipped, sending a geyser of dirty water into my face. I did the best thing I could have ~ I laughed and said, “I just took a shower already, honey.” It could have been disastrous and full of guilt/blaming/accusation or any other response but instead I diffused it. Thank you Lord for giving me the correct response.

    Reply
  10. Adelle Gabrielson says

    July 17, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    I want you to know, I am putting this into practice RIGHT NOW. And it’s working.

    Reply
    • Cheri Gregory says

      July 17, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      YAY!!! Now I’m celebrating even MORE!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Why We Say "Yes" So Fast and 3 Quick Questions to Help Us Slow Down - Cheri Gregory says:
    January 27, 2016 at 5:04 pm

    […] The first step — which I clearly missed on Tuesday — is to Push Pause. […]

    Reply
  2. Saturday Sips: To fight or not to fight - Too Darn Happy says:
    March 22, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    […] 5 Ways to “Push Pause“.  I think you’ll find Cheri Gregory’s situation familiar: You are feeling irritated and just one small thing happens to light the match of your anger. She offers practical advice to “push pause” on that instinct to lash out. […]

    Reply

Hi, I’m Cheri Gregory. I’m delighted you’re here!

Cheri Gregory
I believe that every Highly Sensitive Christian woman can grow in confidence, candor, and contentment.

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