This isn’t fair.
We did everything right!
Things should not have gone all wrong.
Daniel and I arrived at the airport three hours ago: a full two-and-a-half hours before our flight.
Yet here we stand, staring at each other in shock.
We didn’t know about the gate change.
Our plane left without us.
The airport has no Wi-Fi, and our cell phones don’t work internationally. Our tickets were booked by the person who invited us to speak at their conference.
We are stranded in Serbia.
Plan B
After an hour of negotiating with airlines, and paying a stunning sum of money, we are rebooked to leave tomorrow.
A kindly woman at the Information desk scribbles the name of a local hotel.
The cab driver stops to ask passers-by for directions five times. We wonder what kind of hotel we’re going to, if even the cabbie doest know about it.
We are relieved when he deposits us in front of a lovely hotel with a welcome “Free WiFi” sign.
The owner takes one look at our faces and readily grants us early check-in. We gratefully crawl between clean sheets and sleep for hours.
We wake up hungry and head to the adjoining restaurant, only to find the menus written entirely in Serbian.
And we have too many dietary restrictions to risk playing point-and-pray roulette.
Dinner in Serbia
An idea pops to mind, and I run to the room to grab my laptop. We spend the next thirty minutes watching the wonders of Google translate at work.
At one point, while Google is mid-translation, the words angry peppers appear on screen.
Trying to interpret for the computer, Daniel and I look at each other in bafflement.
Angry peppers?
Then Google corrects itself: cayenne pepper.
We laugh uproariously, partly at angry peppers and partly in relief.
“You know,” I say as a new realization dawns on me. “This is what our ESL students experience every single day, all year long. They have electronic translators, but they’re not very good. If today has been hard on us as adults, what must it be like for teenagers to live where they don’t know the language?”
We sit in thoughtful silence until our food comes.
Bowls of the best cucumber salad I’ve ever eaten (sorry, Grandma!) and juicy sweet chunks of fresh tomato.
Spaghetti with maranara sauce.
We relish every bite.
For desert, we order baklava.
And thanks to Google translate, it arrives “with vanilla ice cream.”
Home at Last
Two days later, I barely resist the urge to kneel down and kiss the tarmac at SJC.
We file a claim with the airline, but it’s denied. So we’re out a large chunk of change.
But our trip isn’t a complete loss.
We have fond memories of our dinner-for-two in Serbia.
And our family now has a new name for cayenne pepper:
Angry peppers!
Putting Emotional Detachment Techniques into Practice
I struggled that morning in the Belgrade airport. I’d done everything right, but then things still went all wrong.
Perhaps you feel this way, too, about some aspect of your life.
If so, it’s vital to know that you have choices available to you.
I made several intentional choices that morning. Because I’d been learning how to take better care of myself – my HSP self – I didn’t over-react.
Instead, I practiced emotional detachment techniques:
1) I acknowledged my emotions and their intensity. I felt devastated in the moment. I didn’t act devastated or drag Daniel down with me. But I was honest with myself. I was experiencing shock, fury, and terror–all at the same time!
2) I respected my idealistic heart. My Daddy told me growing up, “Sunshine, you were created for heaven, but your current address is earth.” So yes, it was natural for my God-given heart to expect my airline to find me rather than abandon me. And yes, on this earth, is is normal for things to go wrong. It’s a paradox that comes part-and-parcel with dual citizenship.
3) I looked for SOMEthing good. Gratitude has become a habit that serves me well in times of crisis. As we walked through the airport to pick up our luggage, I told myself, We’re so fortunate to have our suitcases! and We’re fortunate to be in a safe location with a roof over our head during this storm!
One more thing happened during my extra day in Belgrade, but it wasn’t intentional; it was miraculous:
4) I saw beyond myself. My sudden flash of empathy for my ESL students did not come from within me. It was clear conviction from the Holy Spirit. I am not capable of selfless insight on my own. But my intentional choices did make me open to receiving.
When You Can’t Choose the Outcome…
It’s so easy to expect that when we do our part right, everything will turn out right.
But life doesn’t always work that way.
- We follow the recipe to a “T,” but the cake still flops.
- We pour time and energy into a project; then our technology fails us at the worst possible moment.
- We trust someone only to have them betray our confidence.
It’s disappointing and feels downright unfair.
Sometimes, we don’t get to choose the outcome.
We can learn to chose our response.
Yes, even our emotional response.
I have a recipe for chocolate spice brookies (brownie/cookies) that I paid money for, that includes either Ancho chili powder or cayenne (angry 😀 ) pepper as an ingredient. After carefully following the instructions, I did a mental double take. I had added all the ingredients as instructed, but I still had cinnamon and Ancho sitting out, waiting to be put in the mix. I reread the recipe, and while it did give the correct amounts of the spices, it didn’t say anywhere to actually put them in the mix. Luckily it was a fairly easy thing to add them in, but I just had to laugh at the fact that following the recipe perfectly would lead to some spiceless spice brookies.
Good Morning Cheri,
Signed up and doing the challenge! YIKES, in our clutter free appearance we sure do have a lot of clutter that is “hidden” from view! We have trashed, given away, blessed others with 304 pieces so far….and there are closets and drawers to go!!
I had done it all RIGHT when I was on a weight loss journey some 9 years ago. I was losing a lot of weight but within healthy guidelines and it took be 2 years to lose the 100 lbs. I was on a bike ride around my neighborhood when a tree root came out and grabbed my bicycle tire and pulled me straight into the tree….a 60 yr old oak I believe. Injury’s to my legs, neck, head and arms were the visible ones. I had visits to my chiropractor who sent me to my doctor…..who sent me to an MRI tube….I was diagnosed with MS. WHAT?! I was getting healthy, met an amazing man, loved my job……and now I have MS?! It was devastating at first to hear! But with family, friends praying for me and my sweetie by my side, we chose to look at this as a step in the adventure. We renamed MS More Special, we chose to DO this together and knew that God had a plan. He does! We married in 2009 and within the last few years I’ve joined a group of MS-ers, who work out and eat healthy…so many awesome things are happening. Life throws a fork in the road and it’s the choice you have to take it down the “icky” path or the what do you have for me today God path! Blessings abound, for others, myself, family and my sweet husband. Thanks for the opportunity to share. Blessings, Chris
This happens quite often in my life. Usually not in such dramatic ways. But I try SO HARD to get everything right. Still, it doesn’t happen. I had an incident where my hubby had surgery. From the tbeginning me I kissed him goodbye before he was wheeled to the OR until the time I was taken (miles) to retrieve him in recovery he was lost. I wasn’t. But they couldn’t seem to locate him which meant I got no updates. It was crazy. In the end I was just thankful that all went well and the pathology report was normal. I don’t always find treasure in those moments. But at the very least I look for lessons.
signed up for the challenge!
Posted (as Story of My Life…)
My “doing everything right” has been eating really well (annoyingly well, according to friends and family) and being physically fit for all my adult life. Then last year I found a lump. Under the list of breast cancer prevention- I was doing every one (kale, blueberries & beets have been staples for us, almost no processed foods, yoga for 20 years, blah blah blah…) So – the last 14 months I have been “fighting like a girl”, & knowing that this is part of God’s plan for me. Not sure why yet, but trusting. And finding silver linings daily.
In May of 2010 our first grandchild was born! We doted on him and loved on him and we were all just thrilled to have that beautiful gift from God to cherish. In December, we had to give him back to God the day he turned 7 months old (SIDS). That was the ultimate case of doing everything right and it turning out so terribly wrong:)
I signed up for the 21 day Clutter Free Challenge! I can’t wait!!!
I signed up for the clutter free challenge. I would love to win the books.
I hadn’t thought about my penchant for expecting things to go the way I expect to be a God-given characteristic. I had been telling myself I was just being selfish. But looking at it your way is a much more gracious way and more likely for me to deal with the disappointment with grace for myself and others. Thanks for the new insight.
I have signed up for the 21-day clutter free challenge. Feel so much better when things are organized and needed some motivation to get myself on it. Thanks for the chance to win a copies of these two books!