Three Steps to Taming Your Tone

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  1. Carrie R. says:

    Oh my! Just found Elaine Aron’s book in a thrift store. Read bits and pieces. Went on Pinterest and found your site. I’m 53 and finally understanding some things about myself. I’m kind of lost for words. I’m relieved, feeling challenged, ready to learn more and totally thankful God allowed me to find your site. Thank you thank you thank you!!

  2. Lesli Jenkins says:

    Well according to the test, I am not HSP, I scored a 39, but I have a feeling that I live in a household of them. I’ve always put my husband’s reactions down to his anxiety and his family situation growing up. My daughter gets angry when others are yelling and leaves the room, I thought she’d grow out of it, but she’s 18. My son acts like things don’t bother him but he eventually releases his emotions and you find him still upset about something that happened at age 10, he turned 22 yesterday. But what really made me open this particular writing is that from what I am told, I really have been struggling with tone. I’m definitely going to have to try your method of correcting it. Thank you so much!

  3. Would you please tell me where the source for the STS brain works is? I’m being challenged on that and cannot back that up.
    Thank you very much—very helpful!

  4. My husband saved a tape of the phone messages I left for him 30+ years ago when we were dating. The tape had been forgotten in a box until one day recently I found and played it. I was stunned. My voice back then was so soft and sweet. At the time, I didn’t realize how soft my voice was. I always thought I was speaking up. (Of course, the phone messages are just one context. I probably did sound different at work, or when I felt stressed, or during an argument, etc.) Today, it doesn’t sound that way to me at all. I suspect that a recording made now would reveal that I’m not that soft any more. I need to ask my husband about this. And when I get over this cold, I think I’ll try making some recordings.

  5. When I hear myself speaking in harsh or demanding tones my kids start putting up defenses and get mouthy back to me. This is usually a big hint that I’m speaking in Harsh tones. When I notice it if I say, “Wait! I’m sorry. That didn’t sound good/that was snarky/rude. Let me say that again!” By acknowledging that I my tone was inappropriate my kids always change the way they respond back to me. They are willing to change because I’ve fessed up to being wrong first.

  6. Wow, this hits home. I do need to work on this!!

  7. I got a reality check just this morning. My daughter was up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache, and I got up with her to comfort her. I felt proud of myself for my mothering abilities and happy that she felt better after we talked. However, I wasn’t able to go back to sleep for several hours, so when I got up when my alarm went off, I was grumpy and low on patience. I found myself snapping at the kids all morning and the message, “Oh yeah, you’re REALLY a great mom today, yelling at the kids like that!” played over and over in my head…until this post ended up in my inbox.

    Thanks so much for the encouragement Cheri!