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What Kind of HSP are You?

by Cheri Gregory

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

Most HSPs fall into one of two camps when they learn that being an HSP is a thing.

’round here, we fondly refer to them as “Camp Cheri” and “Camp Denise.”

As you read the description of each, ask yourself: Which one resonates most with me?

Camp Cheri — “I’m an HSP! Yay!”

Hi, I’m Cheri. And I’m a self-improvement junkie.

I’ve always felt like the odd-one-out. Not just different; downright defective—which means I’ve spent most of my life trying to fix myself, paying for counseling and coaching, attending dozens of workshops and seminars…per year. Buying the entire self-help section of Barnes and Noble—all to no avail.

When I was just 16 years old, I attended a workshop that introduced me to the four basic temperaments: the fun-loving Sanguine, the detail-conscious Melancholy, the achievement-oriented Choleric, and the peace-keeping Phelgmatic. Initially, so many light bulbs went on as I gained vital insights into myself and my family members.

But the more I studied these personality types, the more questions I had. Something about me was off. No matter how hard I tried, I didn’t fully fit the descriptions of my primary and secondary temperaments.

My inner intensity switch seemed preset to “high” and wouldn’t dial down, no matter how hard I tried. I truly loved people and parties…until they wore me out. I could take charge of any situation…until I got overwhelmed and dissolved into tears. I couldn’t remember my own phone number—but couldn’t forget harsh words I’d heard.

Even as I went on to teach personality workshops with outer confidence, I berated myself inwardly for being an imposter. You’re just a wannabe. A failed extrovert. A fraud.

What I longed to change about myself was this extra layer of intensity that I couldn’t hide, no matter how hard I tried. I constantly felt “high maintenance”—like a burden to others and an enigma to myself. Well-meaning loved ones offered their best advice over the years:

    • “Just stop overthinking things.”
    • “Just let go and let God.”
    • “Just don’t take things so personally.”
    • “Just learn to r-e-l-a-x!”
    • “Just don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Excellent bits of advice, every single one. But without the companion how-to manual (yes, I would buy Emotional Contentment for Dummies if someone were to write it) I could never figure out how to apply these well-intentioned cliches to my everyday life. What seemed so obvious to others felt unfathomable for me.

Turns out, I didn’t need advice; what I needed was a map.

Learning that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person was like finding that map and discovering that it’s actually a treasure map with a big red X that says, “You are here. This is what’s normal for you.”

As I read Susan Cain’s Quiet and Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person, I peppered the pages with so much highlighting and so many notes of “This is me!” that it finally hit me: There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m a normal HSP.

An enormous sense of relief washed over me. In the space of a few short days, my life-long list of everything I needed to do to fix my defective self changed into a list of things I could stop doing.

I could stop basing “normal” on everyone else’s experiences.

I could stop pretending to be someone I’m not.

I could finally stop wondering, What’s wrong with me?

You know how in the final moments of some Disney movies all the grim, gloomy grayness miraculously transforms into joyous, brilliant color? That’s what happened inside of me. All of a sudden, so much of what had never made sense in my life now made total sense. It felt like a miracle when it happened.

And it still feels like a miracle, six years later, each time I remember:

There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m a normal HSP.

Camp Denise — “I’m an HSP? Ugh!”

Being the only girl in a family with much older brothers meant I was dared to try things—like jumping off a cliff or chewing a chili pepper—just for the fun of it.

My particular family dynamic meant that I learned to hang with the boys. My brothers were neighborhood legends, known for their daredevil stunts, like flipping out of swing sets and flying off roofs. By contrast, I was quieter and far more cautious. For a long time, I thought it was because I was a girl and they were boys, but most of the neighborhood kids—girls included—followed right along with whatever madcap scheme my brothers hatched.

I was different. That much was obvious, but sometimes I pretended to be more adventurous than I wanted. Nobody was going to call me weak or scared or sensitive. And nobody would ever, under any circumstances, catch me crying—not this girl, not ever.

When I read about Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) years later, I shook my head. I had to admit that I could relate to the concept of sensory overload. Strong perfume nauseated me. Constant noise flustered me. Tight clothing bothered me. Still, I wasn’t about to call myself a Highly Sensitive Person. If my brothers or other family members caught whiff of it, I’d never hear the end of it. So, I chose to investigate it more, but quietly.

Over time, and with much research, I had to concede—I definitely experience SPS. It’s like a backdrop to my everyday existence, but I struggle with the term “Highly Sensitive Person.” The connotations are all wrong, and it’s the last club I’d ever voluntarily join. So, when Cheri approached me about the possibility of writing a book on the subject, I told her honestly, “I’m not the poster-girl for HSPs. I cannot overstate how much I dislike the label.”

Cheri came right back and said, “I have a hunch there are a lot of HSPs out there who are like you. They don’t want to be associated with the word sensitive, so they’re still trying to be someone they’re not.”

That’s what got me. I spent so many years trying to be the risk-taking, roller-coaster-loving, adventure-living kind of girl instead of the quiet girl who wanted to curl up under a soft blanket and read a book with a cup of tea. That girl sounded boring, and I desperately wanted not to be boring.

Maybe that’s you too. Maybe you’ve tried to fit in by doing all the things you thought you were supposed to do only to discover that it left you feeling drained. Maybe you loathe the idea of being labeled “sensitive” as much I do, and you’re hesitant to get on this HSP train. (Don’t worry. It’s a quiet train, and everyone is in their own compartment anyway.) If that’s you, you’re not alone.

Understanding the impact of sensory stimuli and the effects of an overstimulating environment has been key for me. At the end of the day, I have to say I’m an HSP, but I will forever advocate that HSPs should not be caricatured as highly inefficient, easily fragile, and overly emotional people who get sucked into other people’s drama and then wear out from all the strain.

That’s not the story I want for my life, and that’s probably not the story you want for your life either. We can tap into the unique strengths of HSPs and become people who are strong and who contribute in healthy ways to the people and the communities around us and the world at large.

Sensitive and Strong

Denise and I have collaborated on a brand new book titled Sensitive and Strong. In it, we bring together both the “Camp Cheri” and “Camp Denise” perspectives.

We’d love you to join us in writing a new story for the word “sensitive”!

You can take the new, online “Am I a Highly Sensitive Person?” self-quiz right here.

You can order Sensitive and Strong: A Guide for Highly Sensitive Persons and Those Who Love Them right here.

Whether you’re “Camp Cheri” or “Camp Denise,” this much is certain:

God made you sensitive—in Christ, you are always strong.

 

Your Turn: 

Which resonates with you more:  “Camp Cheri” or “Camp Denise” and why?

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Categorized: The Basics

About Cheri Gregory

I'm a collaborator at heart. With Kathi Lipp, I'm the co-author of You Don't Have to Try So Hard and Overwhelmed. With Amy Carroll, I'm the co-host of Grit 'n' Grace: The Podcast and co-author of Exhale. With Denise J. Hughes, I'm the co-author of Sensitive & Strong. I've been married to my college sweetheart, Daniel, for almost 32 years and have two adult children: Annemarie and Jonathon.

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Comments

  1. Ariana says

    November 16, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    I am definitely a Camp Cheri! I’m so glad I came across your website. I am 36 years young, and I recently found out I was an HSP! I’ve always struggled & been frustrated about why I was the way I was. Growing up was tough, I was bullied, some friends would think I was weird. Even as a Christian, for years I struggled, prayed, read countless books, online articles, taken personality tests. And I’m glad I’m not that only one. I can now truly say, I’ve accepted myself.

    Reply
  2. Susie Sepetjian says

    October 24, 2019 at 4:06 pm

    I definitely have a foot in both camps, but a little more on the Cheri side. The sensory overload piece is huge for me, but I am okay being labeled as sensitive. I work to let people know that sensitive does not equal weak. As I learn more about how uniquely I have been created, I am gaining more confidence in waving my HSP banner.

    Reply
  3. Heather Podbielski says

    October 23, 2019 at 8:29 pm

    I am more of a Camp Cherie with a slight few tendencies toward Camp Denise. I have always been an introvert and always cared what other people thought until a certain time in college. Now that I am almost 50, (on Sunday) I am grateful for the knowledge that being HSP gives and frees me! I think I need a plaque that says “God made you sensitive—in Christ, you are always strong.” in every room. At least in a room of my home and in my classroom.
    Thank you for your ministry!!

    Reply
  4. Pamela says

    October 23, 2019 at 8:19 am

    Though, like you Cherie, I have read SO many self improvement books trying to rid myself of my HS reactions & personality tests trying to understand it, I’m far from experiencing the Disney transformation to joyous color. But something to aim for, right?! Like Denise, I still chafe at the words highly sensitive person. Strong perfume smells ruin me. Monday I opened an envelope of money in my husband’s desk and it had apparently been in the wallet of a lady who was well scented. I was instantly nauseous & had a migraine by noon. So I guess camp Diane with frequent visits to camp Cherie. 😉

    Reply
  5. Elizabeth says

    October 23, 2019 at 5:01 am

    I’m definitely Camp Denise. I was raised in a home where I was discouraged of showing emotions of any kind. That has had some really troubling impacts on me as an adult. My hope and prayer is that I can raise my daughter to be comfortable in all aspects of how God created her.

    Reply
  6. Emma Sawyer says

    October 23, 2019 at 2:40 am

    Good morning Cheri and Denise, thanks for keeping in touch. I’m right at the beginning of this journey of understanding this trait and finally accepting myself. I can honestly say both your experiences resonate really strongly with me. Like Cheri, I’ve always felt a bit like I live on the fringes and also that I can do well(ish) – until the moment I cannot. Like Denise, I cannot agree that this trait makes one “highly inefficient, easily fragile, overly emotional people who get sucked into other people’s drama and then wear out from all the strain”. It is simply not the case. I am also one who follows Jesus as best I can, and therefore live in that constant tension of grace, real love and the process of the good work being done in me and this present culture I live in. So the whole idea of re-claiming the strength of the sensitivity that drives our tendency to pour ourselves out is very, very good news to me just now. Thank you for doing what you are doing. I’m off to buy the book now.

    Reply
  7. Stephanie says

    October 22, 2019 at 3:02 pm

    I am definitely in Cheri’s camp! The day that I discovered about HSP, it opened a huge door of fresh air and sunshiny blue skies for me!! 🙂 I also have bought and read through more (tons) of self-help/personality books that you can imagine! I’ve known there was something different about me all my life, but I could never put my finger on it, the self-help and personality books would come kind of close but I was a mix of this and that and nothing ever explained it until I found the truth of HSP which has been a huge blessing for me, as well my family so now they also have answers as to the ‘whys’ of my reactions to different things,etc. I am reading the Sensitive & Strong book, and many, many pages are, yes this is me!! I am so thankful to have found this group of ladies, what a Blessing and a relief!! 🙂 Love you ladies!!

    Reply

Hi, I’m Cheri Gregory. I’m delighted you’re here!

Cheri Gregory
I believe that every Highly Sensitive Christian woman can grow in confidence, candor, and contentment.

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