How to Stay Calm Even When People Criticize You

“Your feelings are not based on any form of reality.”

A year ago, these words would have evoked one of two knee-jerk reactions:

Knee-Jerk Reaction A: I would have tried desperately to “help” this person understand where I was coming from … see things from my perspective … and, ultimately, validate my emotions.

or

Knee-Jerk Reaction B: I would have caved, agreeing that their perspective was the one true reality, my lived experience was completely invalid and, thus, so were my feelings.

But last weekend, even as I felt the life-long tug of both Knee-Jerk Reactions, a 3rd alternative won out.

It’s a tool I’ve been using throughout 2022 — a simple sentence, one I don’t even speak aloud:

You have my full permission to be 100% wrong about me.

If you’re also a recovering perfectionist with a tender heart, you can imagine how hard it’s been to say this phrase inside my own head, over and over again:

You have my full permission to be 100% wrong about me.

As I’ve practiced this skill, I’ve noticed myself reacting less, responding more, experiencing more calm … all very good things.

And last weekend, something else happened for the very first time.

They said: “Your feelings are not based on any form of reality.”

My mind responded: You have my full permission to be 100% wrong about me.

My heart added: And I am sad. Sad that you’d rather shut me down than get to know me. In fact, your lack of curiosity saddens me far more than your dismissal of my feelings.

As I sat with my sadness, I felt no urge to change them or to change me.

And I realized: So this is what growth feels like!

(At least, how it feels to me. 😉 )


Consider this simple sentence a gift from me to you, and put it to use as often as needed:

You have my full permission to be 100% wrong about me.

It’s especially powerful when combined with taking refuge in God and his word.