Feeling Misunderstood? Here’s One Way You Can Feel Better Fast

Boarding the plane, I try not to groan aloud as I push my rolling carry-on ahead of me.

All the aisle seats are taken. 

And it’s my own fault. Forgetting to set my alarm to check in exactly 24 hours prior to take-off means I’m in Boarding Group C 31-60. 

So I’m making a bee-line to the back, hoping against hope to find one last aisle seat.

But a flight attendant stops me mid-plane.

“Overhead storage is full from here on back. You need to put your carry-on bag here right now” she says pointing up, “and take the seat over there.” 

I watch as she points all the way over … to a window seat … next to a man holding a baby.

I freeze.

I utter not a word.

But my face — why must this face act as a megaphone for messages I don’t intend to send? — clearly communicates: 

I. Can’t. Sit. There.

A woman who’s already buckled in the opposite aisle seat erupts at me. Gathering her belongings, she shoves past me, declaring, “I don’t have a problem sitting next to this sweet baby!”

The flight attendant nods in gratitude at the lady who just saved the day. Then, with a look of disdain, she waves trouble-maker me into the newly- vacated aisle seat. 

Face aflame, I sit, slump, make myself as small as possible … and replay the scenario in my head over and over again.

I’m sure my face registered abject horror when I saw the man holding a baby.

But not for the reason everyone assumed!

What they don’t know is that I have a habit of drinking tons of water whenever I fly. Before boarding the plane, I’d already downed three large bottles of water. 

I need an aisle seat so I can be up-and-down from the restroom many, many times throughout the flight.

I wouldn’t bother me to sit next to a baby, even if it cried non-stop. As an HSP, I carry jack-hammer strength earplugs with me at all times! 

But if I’d sat in that window seat, I would have been the parents’ worst nightmare. Especially if their baby had fallen asleep. Just imagining how many times I would have had to stand up, crawl over them to get out, and then climb back over them to get in, I shudder.

If only I could explain!

But I know from a lifetime of explaining — and over-explaining! — that it never ever helps. 

I hate feeling so completely misunderstood.

If only I could change their minds!

But … 

I take in a deep breath and let out a deep sigh.

… I can’t.

Once again, I inhale for a count of four, hold my breath for a count of four, exhale for a count of four, and hold for a count of four. 

I. Can’t. Change. Anyone’s. Mind. 

I continue practicing breath prayers until the tightness in my gut and shoulders start to subside.

I can only change my own thoughts about this situation. 

So I reach for two tools — one older, one brand new.

My #1 Tool for Feeling Better Fast

The older tool is an inner statement I’ve been practicing for a couple of years:

• Looking over at the woman sitting in the window seat, I silently say to her, “You have my full permission to be 100% wrong about me.”

• To the man in the middle seat, “You have my full permission to be 100% wrong about me.”

• To the woman in the aisle seat who is now holding the baby, “You have my full permission to be 100% wrong about me.”

• When the flight attendant walks by, “You have my full permission to be 100% wrong about me.”

Honestly, I still hate the idea of people being wrong about me.

But when I silently grant them my permission to do so … which is a way of reminding myself that they get to make their own adult decisions … I do feel better.

A Related Tool for Feeling Better Fast

The newer tool is one I’ve picked up from social media. I’ve seen various versions, from poems to memes to essays. But the common thread is two powerful words:

Let them.

They’re making assumptions about me!

Let them.

But they’re judging me!

Let them.

But they totally misunderstood me!

Let them.

But they’re going to think the worst of me from now on!

Let them.

But now they’re going to tell stories of “that rude woman” who refused to sit next to a sweet baby!

Let them.

But they think they’re right about me!

Let them.

But they’re wrong about me!

Let them.

But … 

Let them.

I inhale, and I exhale.

And I

Let. Them. Go.

And I do feel better.