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  1. Sharron Voorhees says:

    I resonate with the thought of “future” regrets I am trying to avoid all the time. Being in this group, and knowing that HSP is a huge make up of who I am has turned my attention to one of my sons… the way he is responsive to my emotions and reacts to people fighting just like I used to do a lot. Instead of thinking he was people pleasing or acting dysfunctional (co-dependent I was labeled), I choose to reassure him that I will never be mad at him or mistreat him just because I am in a bad mood. I thank him for caring about me and knowing me enough to see that something is bothering me, and I praise God for this opportunity. I also try to be a different kind of listener for him like I would have wanted when I was a teenager.

    I will also ask God to bridge the gaps that might have been made and let his will be done knowing that I was innocent at the time in my emotions and lack of speaking up.

    Questions arise…this ones hypothetical processing …why wasn’t the way I was as a teenager ( I am 41 now), enough for my parents like it was when I was a little girl? As a little girl I was all sunshine and God and rainbows, but as a teenager I was too sensitive, ny feelings cast aside for wearing my heart on my sleeve, told to get over it and that I was too sensitive. It hurts deeply. I pray that I could accept my 4 children for however they are, however they process, however they need to breath life, the beauty of how God made them.

  2. Lynn Lang says:

    I have been heavily into self recrimination and some recrimination of others over the years, I now realize. And with my perfectionist tendencies, I have also turned those things into the question of “what have I learned now that will help me to do things differently next time?” I’m thinking that is perhaps something the Lord using to help keep me from being forever stuck. Something arose the other day that could have resulted in me applying another tally mark of “failure ” on myself. BUT I realized His grace for me in allowing me to recognize my own tendency to learn best from doing it wrong the first time. And knowing THAT’S OK. He loves me and will help me gain the experiences I need to truly KNOW His love and grace. THAT’S what is important for me to help others to see. Not my perfect response to every situation.

  3. Good insights and processing outloud, Cheri! I’d be a rich woman if I had a dollar for every “R” (regret, recrimination, and rumination) that landed in my mind. My psychiatrist told me years ago to see a “stop sign” whenever I started ruminating. It worked for me.
    I’ve released a lot of regret and catch myself now before going down a long lane. Praying helps. Telling God brings hope and grace into the picture. Taking a deep breath and staying in the moment assist me in not making things bigger or looking back with sigh.
    Thanks for your thoughts!

  4. Oh my word. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I resonate with this. I’ll be ruminating on this for awhile. Thank you, Cheri.

  5. Somewhere along the line, I recognized the damage recriminations were causing me. I used to go back in my mind and think what could I have done to keep my mother, father, sister, fractured family from splitting completely. God has shown me that it was not on me to do this. Disfunctional adults, in that family of origin, put a lot of strain and way too much emotional responsibility on me. I was not even an adult! I don’t do this anymore in any of my relationships. I am free. Thanks for the reminder to pray-cessing often!

  6. Thank you for sharing your insight. I also am frequently reflecting on the past and wishing “I knew then what I know now”. It is challenging for me to let go of the past especially as my children are adults. I was a Mom who tried to fix feelings while giving my kids little opportunity to feel and work through their feelings.
    Self-recrimination seems to occur mostly during sleepless moments. I like your husband’s comment that I am just putting myself back in jail.
    Great topic for me to ponder.

    1. Sharron Voorhees says:

      Oh yes, the sleepless nights are like a bad dream that won’t quit…all those regrets that come flying to mind and won’t stop, keep me in agony sometimes in the middle of the night. I’m too tired to get up and read, and so I just keep praying to God until I am asleep again. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.

  7. Wow, I have worked through so much of what you describe, over many years, but I didn’t have the term self-recrimination applied to the process – it’s so true! And have I ever had to stop myself from ruminating! I still fall into that pit – not nearly so often – but because of my ministry, I relive a lot of experiences and have to be vigilant. The instant I recognize rumination I stop – and pray, and by God’s grace I move on and don’t give it another thought. It’s truly God’s grace.

    So grateful for this post and your insights, Cheri. God bless you.