HSP Part 3: It’s “Just So Hard Being Me!”
“Growing Sensitive & Strong” is the life-changing program that moves you from “What’s wrong with me?” to comfortable and confident in who God made you as a Highly Sensitive Person.
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When my son, Jonathon, was four, I enrolled him in a local preschool, sure he’d love it.
I was beyond wrong.
Day after day, he begged to stay home. Each time, I asked, “Why? What’s wrong?”
But he couldn’t put it into words. So I kept taking him. Finally, after weeks of me asking him, “What’s wrong?” my little guy sighed deeply and said,
“Oh Mama, it’s just so hard being me!”
It’s Just So Hard Being Me!
Oh, did I ever understand.
It can be “just so hard” being an HSP and for so many very different reasons.
If you’ve taken the “Am I an HSP?” self-quiz, you know that it includes a wide diversity of questions. If you are an HSP, you probably recognize that some types of sensitivity don’t apply to you at all, while you score off the scale in another type!
When I surveyed 100 HSPs, their self-reported sensitivities fell as follows:
What are your particular areas of sensitivity? Are you …
Sensitive to Hearing
I was recently a guest in the home of an acquaintance. When we arrived, the TV was on at high volume. A decorative clock next to the TV emitted a distinctive “tick-tick-tick.” Several people were talking at increasing volumes. Then, an old tape recorder was brought out and used to figure out what was on old audiotapes. I thought my head was going to explode!
Sensitive to Seeing
Just as I can’t screen out multiple auditory streams, Daniel can not overlook disorganized bookshelves, a layer of dust, and clumps of dog fur building up in the corners. (I blissfully notice none of these!)
Sensitive to Touching
One of our children removes the itchy tags from all clothes before wearing them. They also can’t stand: pants that restrict movement, sticky fingers, highly textured food, being too hot or too cold, lots of hugging, and shoes that “feel weird.”
Sensitive to Smelling
Scents, especially artificial ones, are also a major trigger for me. I get a headache (and often nausea) from room fresheners, scented candles, perfumes, Fabreeze, and fabric softener…for starters.
Sensitive to Tasting
Different brains interpret the exact same flavor stimuli in completely different ways. Cilantro is a great example because it has a genetic component. My daughter and I love the smell and taste of cilantro while my husband insists its bitterness ruins everything.
Sensitive to Scheduling
When he was little, Jonathon was a totally laid back kid…until we had a change of plans. Sudden schedule changes flipped his tantrum switch like nothing else! And while some people thrive on being busy, those who are highly schedule sensitive will overload when there’s too much to do in a short period of time.
Sensitive to Sleeping & Eating
Some of us absolutely must get sleep. My son and I are incapable of staying up late; we literally fall asleep. As long as I’ve known my husband, he’s been a napper. With one or two hours each afternoon, he’s good to go all day. (We won’t talk about what happens when he goes without!) He’s also highly sensitive to hunger; he used pride himself in going 8-10 hours without eating, but everyone around him paid the price…as did he, when the headache finally hit. He’s now learned to eat small meals every 3-4 hours and is amazed at how good he feels and how less difficult everyone else is to deal with!
Sensitive to Reflecting
Emotional sensitivity is what many people think of when they hear the term “Highly Sensitive Person,” but it’s just one aspect of being more-sensitive-than most. A reflective HSP is keenly aware of his or her own emotions.
Sensitive to Relating
An HSP who is relationally sensitive feels as though she absorbs the emotions and moods of those around her, even if those emotions are not being actively expressed.
Beyond “It’s Just So Hard…”
I took a risk by starting this blog post with my son’s “It’s just so hard being me!” story: that you’ll think I’m encouraging a “poor me” victim mentality.
I’ve spent more than enough years wallowing in victimhood.
Been there, done that, Tshirt was uuuuuugly!
What I do want is to develop a safe community in which each Highly Sensitive Christian woman can
- understand her own unique sensitivity;
- turn to her highly-sensitive Savior to meet her need every need;
- support her HSP sisters (without needing or trying to fix them!)
More about the more-sensitive-than-most woman’s relationship to self-care, Christ, and community tomorrow!
Your Turn
Which type of sensitivity do you relate the most to? How have you made adjustments in your life to allow for this sensitivity?
HSP Part 1: What Does It Mean to be an HSP?
HSP Part 2: When You’ve Heard “Just Get Over It”
HSP Part 3: It’s “Just So Hard Being Me”
I’m glad I’ve found your website and the “Grit & Grace” podcast! I was told for years that I was “weak,” “too sensitive,” or “crazy.”
I can’t stand loud, abrupt noises, people. But, I have to listen to music/tv loud ( so my husband says) to shut out my busy thoughts.
I notice the smallest things while missing bigger things such as buildings that have been in place for years!!!
I can’t stand to have an empty stomach and I must get away from people one I’ve had my extrovert fix or I turn into Mrs. Hyde.
I can’t tolerate people touching me especially on my forearms or my hair. Funny, I like hugs though if they don’t last too long…My house doesn’t have to be “neat as a pin” clean as long as I don’t see dust bunnies on the floor or trash in cans…I’m learning to laugh at these personality quirks because of what I’m learning here.
Thanks
For me the sensitivity to schedule, and God blessed me with a husband who hates plans and schedules. Also being sensitive to others emotions.
Hubby is helping me so my need to try and fix the world stops, that I realise it is not my job to. To listen and empathise with others without wanting to usurp the role of a Christ who is their saviour and their only source of comfort and help.
Taking time to be alone. To sit at home, read, and cook. Listen to classical music. That has probably been the greatest discovery, seeking time to just be alone.
Hello Cheri,
Back in January 18th 2017 I filled out an HSP and received a warm response back from you welcoming me into the club. I’ve finally been accepted for being me and that’s so freeing. It’s good to know that nothing is wrong with me and I’m not alone in this highly sensitive journey. I’m making hard copies of all of your articles just in case I can’t locate you. I goggled, “Sensitive and Strong” and your website page came up but none of the articles that I’m seeing today appeared. Thank goodness that I was on Proverbs 31 Ministries this morning because that’s where I do most of my devotionals. Amy Carroll wrote a devotional about marriage and that’s how I was able to locate you. She mentioned HSP and I clicked on the link and you appeared. Could you help me find a way to keep current with your website? Looking forward to hearing from you.
I am so sensitive to others feelings that I cry with them at he drop of a hat and other people don’t get it. From across the room I can read their emotions and start crying.
Smells too. They affect me immensely.
Amy, I agree completely. That is my worst nightmare right now. I pick up on other’s emotions and I turn into a waterfall of emotion. I used to be able to control this but at the moment. I feel totally out of control..
Oh my goodness, Cheri, I can SO relate to your sensitivity to noise. My husband and teen daughter like the TV on all the time–they love background noise. I can’t even THINK with the TV on. lol Thank GOD we have a big house–I just go to another section to read when I need quiet.
I’ve just ordered “The Highly Sensitive Person” and am very interested in learning how to manage at conferences. I love to go, but the noise, tons of people, and slammed schedule reduces my brain to zombie-mode by the second day. Thanks so much for doing this series. I’ve really enjoyed learning about this subject I’d never really heard of or even realized existed. I’m looking forward to learning more! 🙂