3 Reasons Why It’s Vital to Trust Yourself as an HSP

“Do you trust yourself?” Debbie asks.

“No way!” I reply.

“Proverbs 3:5-6 clearly says, ‘Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding….“

I pause for breath, then continue on auto-pilot:

“… In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths’.”

I stop, surprised by how quickly the verses came pouring out in response to my counselor’s innocuous question.

Debbie rephrases her query.

“Cheri, when I ask if you trust yourself, I’m not talking about Trust … I’m talking about trust. When someone tells you something about yourself that doesn’t match your own lived experience, who do you believe?

I give her a wry look and say:

“When you’ve been told …

• ‘I don’t smell anything; it must be all in your head!’
• ‘I don’t hear anything; you’re just making that up!’
• ‘I don’t feel anything; you are imagining things!’

… as many times as I have, the only conclusion you can come to is that everyone else is right and something is very wrong with me.”

She nods.

“When your lived experience has been constantly minimized and dismissed, it makes sense that it’s hard for you to ‘trust yourself’.”

I grimace.

“Hard? More like heresy.”

Debbie smiles.

“But what if … “

She leans back and pauses for just a moment before continuing.

“What if you could trust yourself?”

What Can Happen When You Don’t Trust Yourself

I think back to a Saturday afternoon when I was 22 years old.

Hiking up Mount Waterman the day after a major snowfall with a group of young adults from church. 

My feet becoming ice blocks despite good boots and wool socks.

The pain intensifying with every step.

Tearfully stopping half-way up the mountain, needing to go back down.

Hearing …

• “There’s no way your feet can be that cold.”
• “My feet are fine and we’re in the exact same snow!”
• “Just walk faster and your circulation will improve.”
• “If you focus on the beauty all around you, you’ll forget all about your feet!”
• “I’m praying God will give you an attitude of gratitude.”

… and trudging on. 

All my attention and energy goes into making it through this painful minute. And then this painful minute. And then this painful minute.

For hours.

None of us know that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person — genetically predisposed to Sensory Processing Sensitivity — who experiences certain sensory stimuli far more intensely than non-HSPs.

We also don’t know that I have Reynaud’s Syndrome, a condition that causes the capillaries in my fingers and toes to shut down, severely restricting blood flow to my extremities until I’m able to intentionally warm my hands and feet back up.

I do know that Romans 5:3-4 (NIV) says:

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

So when the whole ordeal is finally over, and I pull off my boots and socks, crank up the car heater, and slowly revive my feet, I tell myself, “Well, at least I know some good will come of this!”

Except it never ever does.

When You Trust Everyone But Yourself

It’s clear to me now that Romans 5 does not refer to needless physical suffering brought on by a complete lack of self-advocacy.

Instead of producing perseverance or character or hope, my “there’s no way your feet can be that cold” experience resulted in broken trust, decreased resilience, and increased fear. 

Broken Trust

In this experience, my body was sending clear messages the entire time, telling me exactly what it needed. But nobody was listening. My body felt betrayed, and rightfully so. My own body couldn’t trust me to take care of … me.

Decreased Resilience

As my feet warmed back up, my Inner Critic showed up in full force: You are such the Drama Queen! Always making stuff up to get out of exerting yourself … doing your best to ruin everyone else’s good time … copping out yet again … Why did you even bother to come? Next time, you should just stay home. It’ll be better for EVERYONE.

Increased Fear

In the days after the Mount Waterman incident, the other hikers’ comments kept replaying through my head:

• “There’s no way your feet can be that cold.”
• “My feet are fine and we’re in the exact same snow.”
• “Just walk faster and your circulation will improve.”
• “If you focus on the beauty all around you, you’ll forget all about your feet!”
• “I’m praying God will give you an attitude of gratitude.”

I could hear the certainty, the confidence in their voices. Everyone else must be right about me, which meant my worst fear had to be true:

Something is terribly wrong with me.

3 Reasons Why It’s Vital to Trust Yourself as an HSP

“What if you could trust yourself?” Debbie asks.

My reply is immediate:

“I would stop hiking through snow with freezing cold feet.”

Debbie nods. “You would believe your own body.”

“Yeah,” I say, tearing up at the thought.

“Even when it means ignoring or inconveniencing other people,” Debbie adds.

I glare.

“Don’t push it, Debbie!”

And we both laugh.

Clearly, I’m still very much a work in progress.

But the more I put this into practice, the more it sinks in:

An HSP, it’s vital to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart” and trust yourself.

Here are 3 reasons why:

1. Your body needs to be able to count on you to take care of you. 

At the  most basic level, “trust yourself” means that you’ll listen to and take seriously the signals your HSP body is sending to you. Nobody else will — or can — do this for you.

2. Resilience comes from listening to your body*, not your Inner Critic.

Your Inner Critic doesn’t actually care about you. Your Inner Critic only cares about how well you’re measuring up to other people’s expectations of you. Trying to pacify your Inner Critic is not the road to resilience; intentional self awareness is.

3. Just because other people sound certain, does NOT mean they’re right about you.

They may be right about their own lived experience and about their own preferences. But their confidence does not give them automatic accuracy about what you’re experiencing. You are an authority on your own lived experience.

There was nothing wrong with 22-year-old me that snowy day on Mount Waterman.

There’s nothing wrong with you, either.

You can trust yourself.

Even when it’s hard.

Even when it feels like heresy.

Even when …

(feel free to glare!)

… it means ignoring or inconveniencing other people.

(* Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness, Chapter 6)