One Simple Way to Know If You Can Trust Your Feelings

If you become easily overwhelmed by emotions, here’s a quick “test” for whether or not to trust your feelings.

“Your suitcase is 13 pounds overweight.”

I stare at the Southwest agent.

This can’t be happening.

I feel disapproving glares from the mob behind me. The line of people who’ve been waiting an hour or more to check their bags snakes down the hall.

My watch tells me that it’s time to quit expecting an aisle seat in rows 1-10 and start praying that I actually make it on the plane. I still need to clear security, and that line is long, too.

Wordlessly, I reach for my wallet.

As the agent swipes my Visa for $75, my stomach tightens like a vice.

• I should have planned better.
• I should have gotten up two hours earlier.
• I should have known the airport would be packed this morning.
• I should have …

My self-recrimination escalates ten-fold when I hoist my second suitcase onto the scale:

15 pounds under.

• If only I’d thought to weigh them both before paying the $75 overweight fee!
• If only I hadn’t switched my toiletry case from one suitcase to the other.
• If only I’d arrived early enough to weigh in and then re-pack.
• If only …

This can’t be happening.

I am a ticking bomb of dismay and regret.

This can’t be happening.

An oh-so-familiar mushroom cloud of reactivity threatens to engulf me.

This can’t be happening.

But before I’m borne away by waves of overwhelm, it occurs to me:

Maybe this doesn’t have to happen.

Consolation vs. Desolation

While reading an article on spiritual discernment, recently, I was struck by two contrasting terms:

consolation vs. desolation

“Consolation is the interior movement of the heart that gives us a deep sense of life-giving connection with God, others, and our authentic self. We may experience it as a sense that all is right with the world, that we are free to be given over to God and love, even in moments of pain and crisis.”

“Desolation is the loss of a sense of God’s presence; indeed, we feel out of touch with God, with others, and with our authentic self. It might be an experience of being off-center, full of turmoil, confusion, and maybe even rebellion. Or we might sense our energy draining away, tension in our gut, or tears welling in our eyes.”

A while ago, I learned that feeling bad doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ve done bad.

Now it occurs to me:

Maybe feeling bad doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m disconnected from God.

Pray-cessing Dismay and Regret

After buckling into the last middle seat in the back of the plane, I pull out my receipt from Southwest Airlines.

This isn’t how I ever wanted to spend $75.

I pause to pray-cess my dismay and regret.

Did I make a mistake?

Yes.

Am I feeling frustrated with myself?

Yes.

Am I feeling disappointed by the consequences?

Yes.

Am I feeling guilty for wasting so much money?

Yes.

Have I knowingly moved away from God during this situation?

No.

Have I intentionally betrayed my authentic self?

No.

Can I feel bad and still feel God’s presence?

My Southwest receipt wavers in and out of focus as my eyes begin to sting.

The Drama of Disconnection

I struggled with insomnia when I was a child.

Dismay and regret kept me awake many nights—my failures from the day replaying relentlessly through my groggy mind. With my mistakes in living technicolor, I felt desperate for do-overs.

Exhausted and shivering, I’d crawl out of the covers well past midnight to kneel down by my bed. Hoping to purge myself of my overwhelming emotions, I tried to confess every single sin.

But I never managed to remember them all.

Eventually, I’d crawl back into bed, distraught that—once again—I’d been unable to re-establish connection with God.

For me, feeling bad meant feeling abandoned by God.

When You Can — and Can’t — Trust Your Feelings

Can I feel bad and still feel God’s presence?

The Southwest receipt comes back into sharp focus as it dawns on me:

Yes.

I do believe I can.

For far too long, I’ve equated feeling bad with desolation — the loss of a sense of God’s presence.

But feeling bad doesn’t automatically disconnect us from God.

Instead, dismay and regret and frustration and disappointment and guilt and every other overwhelming feeling can be a catalyst for consolation — for an ever-deepening connection to God.

So the next time you’re overwhelmed by the This-can’t-be-happening feeling? Remember the difference between consolation and desolation. Pause to pray-cess the situation — and whether or not to trust your feelings — with these questions:

1. Have I knowingly moved away from God during this situation?
2. Have I intentionally betrayed my authentic self?

If you respond with No, then remind yourself:

This doesn’t have to happen.

I am feeling bad, but I am not disconnected from God. This is not desolation.

I am experiencing strong (even overwhelming!) emotions which I hereby give over to God.

Now, I am resting in His consolation.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
1 Peter 5:7