The Good News About Feeling Bad

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  1. Susan Benitez says:

    I am currently going through a painful experience and trying to work my way through grief. I identify with the rigid control and numbing to avoid feeling the pain. However, I am encouraged by the “and.”

    Thank you!

  2. Amy Carroll says:

    Tears. This hit my heart right where it needed to this morning. One of my boys is hurting, and I needed the reminder that our Redeemer uses it to form us. It’s not forever, and it’s not wasted.

    Your idea of pain and peace, etc… Beautiful!! Jerry Sittser’s book A Grace Disguised is one of my favorites on grief and has a similar theme. I recommend it highly, and you’d love it.

    Love you, friend. My heart is with you as you grieve.

    1. {{{{{Amy}}}}} Hugs across the miles! Grateful God used “my” words to minister to you. And I’m heading to to order A Grace Disguised right now!

  3. There is a larger corollary to “What if your husband isn’t motivated by your pain?
    What if he’s only motivated by his?”

    What if your husband is more comfortable with the pain of the present than the pain of change? Even if the pain of change leads to better things?

    Than nothing you do don’t do matters.

    1. Pat — 

      Sheila’s articles speak to this, and Gary has promised a “Part 2” that I’m eagerly awaiting.

      I’ll offer two responses for whatever they’re worth, one from experience and one that’s still theory at this point.

      First, what I do or don’t do ALWAYS matters. What I do or don’t do changes who I am. When I make choices based on what God is calling ME to do (or not do), then I grow and become more like who He made me … which means more like Christ. When I make choices to do (or not do) based on how I know (from years of experience) my husband or child or friend will/won’t respond, that also changes who I am — I become someone else, a shadow of who God created me to be.

      Second, if the present pain is less than the pain of change, I need to re-evaluate my choices and allow the pain to escalate until the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same. (I’m reaching for a paper bag to hyperventilate into even as I type this!) Carrying the bulk of someone else’s pain changes who I am and turns me into someone I was never meant to be.