Steven glances up at his peers, flashes a quick smile, and briefly joins in their laughter. Then he corrects his pronunciation of a word and continues reading aloud.

I see something I haven’t noticed before: his jaw muscles working overtime.

And I realize something that the rest of the sophomores don’t: Steven may have been laughing, but he had not been laughing with them.

Just a Little Family Fun?

The next day, I share with the class my concern about their habit of jumping all over someone when they make a mistake.

When someone trips, they giggle. When someone is proven wrong, they “ooooohhhh.” When someone mispronounces a word, they heave a visible (but silent) sigh of “duh!”

Unabashedly, they insist that this is how they show their love for one another.

“Mrs. G, we’re one big happy family, and this is how family treats family!” one declares.

As a mom who loves diving into over-the-top sarcastic banter with my own son, I wrestle with this.

Their behaviors do look and sound very “familiar.”

But I can’t get that clenched jaw out of my mind: why should Steven, a hard-working student, be jeered by his peers for stumbling over a word?

Is this really how family treats family?

Harassed in Front of Class

I think back to the colleague who discovered my over-active startle reflex.

He loved nothing more than to sneak up behind me while I was in the midst of teaching and yell, “Boo!”

I would jump from shock–sometimes even scream and drop things–and then quickly force myself to regain composure while my classroom rocked with uproarious laughter.

Is this really how family treats family?

Just Having Fun or Bullying?

One major difference I see between just having fun and bullying is whether or not there’s an easy exit.

In healthy families, when the teasing gets out of hand, it’s okay to change the subject, get silent, go to one’s room, even take a short walk. All of these signal that the “fun” has gone too far. Everyone readjusts. If necessary, apologies and forgiveness are exchanged.

But by definition, bullying has no such built-in safety measures. The bullies have all the control and the bullied has no options.

And when “the bully” is not one person but a group culture, individuals often join in doing and saying things they would never choose on their own.

It’s So Easy to Be the Bully

Tomorrow, we’ll explore why it’s so easy to focus on others’ failures.

Why are we so Johnny-on-the-spot when someone trips, when someone is wrong, when someone mispronounces a word.

We’ll revisit the question:  Is this really how family treats family?

We’ll see what what Philippians 2:3-4 might look like in action:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests
but each of you to the interests of the others.”

And prayerfully consider Philippians 2:5

“In your relationships with one another,
have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”

Your Turn!

Have you been in a situation where your mistakes became the focus of group mockery? How did you respond?