Sensitive and Strong

The place for the HSP Christian woman to find connection.

  • About
  • Blog
    • Caring for Yourself
    • Connecting with Others
    • Cherished by God
  • Book
  • Course
  • Coaching
  • Community
  • Contact
  • Member Sign-In

The “Fun” of Focusing on Others’ Failures

by Cheri Gregory

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

Steven glances up at his peers, flashes a quick smile, and briefly joins in their laughter. Then he corrects his pronunciation of a word and continues reading aloud.

I see something I haven’t noticed before: his jaw muscles working overtime.

And I realize something that the rest of the sophomores don’t: Steven may have been laughing, but he had not been laughing with them.

Just a Little Family Fun?

The next day, I share with the class my concern about their habit of jumping all over someone when they make a mistake.

When someone trips, they giggle. When someone is proven wrong, they “ooooohhhh.” When someone mispronounces a word, they heave a visible (but silent) sigh of “duh!”

Unabashedly, they insist that this is how they show their love for one another.

“Mrs. G, we’re one big happy family, and this is how family treats family!” one declares.

As a mom who loves diving into over-the-top sarcastic banter with my own son, I wrestle with this.

Their behaviors do look and sound very “familiar.”

But I can’t get that clenched jaw out of my mind: why should Steven, a hard-working student, be jeered by his peers for stumbling over a word?

Is this really how family treats family?

Harassed in Front of Class

I think back to the colleague who discovered my over-active startle reflex.

He loved nothing more than to sneak up behind me while I was in the midst of teaching and yell, “Boo!”

I would jump from shock–sometimes even scream and drop things–and then quickly force myself to regain composure while my classroom rocked with uproarious laughter.

Is this really how family treats family?

Just Having Fun or Bullying?

One major difference I see between just having fun and bullying is whether or not there’s an easy exit.

In healthy families, when the teasing gets out of hand, it’s okay to change the subject, get silent, go to one’s room, even take a short walk. All of these signal that the “fun” has gone too far. Everyone readjusts. If necessary, apologies and forgiveness are exchanged.

But by definition, bullying has no such built-in safety measures. The bullies have all the control and the bullied has no options.

And when “the bully” is not one person but a group culture, individuals often join in doing and saying things they would never choose on their own.

It’s So Easy to Be the Bully

Tomorrow, we’ll explore why it’s so easy to focus on others’ failures.

Why are we so Johnny-on-the-spot when someone trips, when someone is wrong, when someone mispronounces a word.

We’ll revisit the question:  Is this really how family treats family?

We’ll see what what Philippians 2:3-4 might look like in action:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests
but each of you to the interests of the others.”

And prayerfully consider Philippians 2:5

“In your relationships with one another,
have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”

Your Turn!

Have you been in a situation where your mistakes became the focus of group mockery? How did you respond?

Share
Pin
Tweet
Email
Print

Categorized: Uncategorized

About Cheri Gregory

I'm a collaborator at heart. With Kathi Lipp, I'm the co-author of You Don't Have to Try So Hard and Overwhelmed. With Amy Carroll, I'm the co-host of Grit 'n' Grace: The Podcast and co-author of Exhale. With Denise J. Hughes, I'm the co-author of Sensitive & Strong. I've been married to my college sweetheart, Daniel, for almost 32 years and have two adult children: Annemarie and Jonathon.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments

  1. April says

    March 13, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    Love your new site Cheri! VERY easy to navigate!! I connect with you on so many levels, I think we are kindred spirits and I have never even met you! There is some bulling in our family that needs to stop and I see how I may have been the cause of this and look forward to more discussion.

    Reply
  2. TNeal says

    March 13, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    Cheri, good to see your email in my inbox again. You continue to write well and provoke thought. I’ve experienced the good-natured ribbing of sports lately. A friend within the last month or so has given me a new nickname–Chainsaw. I’m far from thrilled. Like Steven, I smile or laugh, but I also get tired of hearing it. Looking forward to more on the subject.–Tom

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Why We Want Others to Fail says:
    March 15, 2013 at 4:50 am

    […] Tuesday, we explored “The ‘Fun’ of Focusing on Others’ Failures” and yesterday we discussed “Why We Focus on Others’ […]

    Reply

Hi, I’m Cheri Gregory. I’m delighted you’re here!

Cheri Gregory
I believe that every Highly Sensitive Christian woman can grow in confidence, candor, and contentment.

Latest

  • Why You May Often Feel Isolated as a Highly Sensitive Person
  • 3 Simple Ways to Share about Being a Highly Sensitive Person
  • 3 Ways to Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Emotions
  • How to Gently Make Your Way into Safe Community as an HSP
  • 3 Questions You Can Ask to Speed Up Your Personal Growth

Sensitive & Strong: a Guide for Highly Sensitive Persons and Those Who Love Them

Sensitive & Strong: a Guide for Highly Sensitive Persons and Those Who Love Them
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Sensitive & Strong: a Guide for Highly Sensitive Persons and Those Who Love Them
Buy now!

Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity

Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity
Buy now!

Exhale: Lose Who You’re Not. Love Who You Are. Live Your One Life Well.

Exhale: Lose Who You’re Not. Love Who You Are. Live Your One Life Well.
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Audible.com
Exhale: Lose Who You’re Not. Love Who You Are. Live Your One Life Well.
Buy now!

You Don’t Have to Try So Hard: Ditch Expectations and Live Your Own Best Life

You Don’t Have to Try So Hard: Ditch Expectations and Live Your Own Best Life
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Audible.com
You Don’t Have to Try So Hard: Ditch Expectations and Live Your Own Best Life
Buy now!

How to Quickly Calm Your Overwhelmed Heart

How to Quickly Calm Your Overwhelmed Heart

You may also enjoy...

  • Six Right Choices to Make After Any MistakeSix Right Choices to Make After Any Mistake
  • When You Do Everything Right But Things Still Go All WrongWhen You Do Everything Right But Things Still Go All Wrong
  • How to Uncover the Truth About Your SensitivityHow to Uncover the Truth About Your Sensitivity
  • Never Good Enough = Adrenaline AddictionNever Good Enough = Adrenaline Addiction
  • What You Need to Know About Highly Sensitive PeopleWhat You Need to Know About Highly Sensitive People
  • When Nothing is the Hardest Thing to DoWhen Nothing is the Hardest Thing to Do

Copyright © 2022 Cheri Gregory · All Rights Reserved · Disclosure · Privacy Policy

Close

Support the Sensitive and Strong Community!

You can support this community directly through PayPal: