How to Prevent Unexpected HSP Travel Problems
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Most of my friends thought I was nuts.
They’d say, “You must be so excited about going to Italy with your family!”
I’d reply, “Actually, I’m trying not to dread it.”
And they’d respond, “You’re crazy!” followed by some variation of, “If I were going to Italy with my family, I’d be over the moon!”
My fellow HSPs understood:
- “Wow, you’re going to be away from home for nine whole days?”
- “Yikes—the flight is 12 hours each way?”
- “Rome during Holy Week is going to be packed with people!”
Now that we’re back home, I am over the moon to report that all four Highly Sensitive People in our family had a wonderful trip.
Here’s how we avoided common HSP travel problems … and how you can, too.
1. Set Realistic Expectations
The #1 way to prevent the unexpected is to start expecting it.
We expected that …
- … the trip would deplete our physical reserves.
- … we’d feel exhausted by the time we arrived in Rome..
- … multi-tasking in unfamiliar settings would be draining.
- … we’d be over-stimulated by all the sights, smells, and sounds.
- … all the crowds of people would be overwhelming.
- … we’d get short and snappy with each other when fatigued.
Start by creating your own personalized list of realistic expectations.
Voila!
The unexpected is now expected.
2. Plan Ahead
Brainstorm solutions to pair with each expectation. Here’s what some of ours looked like:
We expected that …
- … the trip would deplete our physical reserves, SO we packed healthy snacks, kept ourselves hydrated, and slept as much as we could.
- … we’d feel exhausted by the time we arrived in Rome, SO our only goal for our first day was to make it from the airport to our Air BnB.
- … multi-tasking in unfamiliar settings would be draining, SO we planned down time every afternoon.
- … we’d be over-stimulated by all the sights, smells, and sounds, SO we chose quiet places to stay and packed super-duper strength earplugs.
- … all the crowds of people would be overwhelming, SO we took full advantage of our separate bedrooms in the evenings, basking in much-needed privacy behind closed doors before venturing out again the next day.
- … we’d get short and snappy with each other when fatigued, SO we chose to extend grace rather than take things personally.
Control what you can … and plan for what you can’t.
3. Create a Personalized Packing List
We aren’t the kind of people who can throw a few things into a duffle bag fifteen minutes before sprinting off to the airport.
We’re the kind of people who have files on our computers titled “My Pre-Trip Shopping List” and “My Packing List” and “My Carry-On List” and …!
Don’t fight it. Embrace it.
Use your lists before every trip. Update them right after you return.
Your personalized packing list is a vital way to carry your own jam jar.
4. Restore the “Magic” Ratio
I had one primary goal for this trip, and it wasn’t particularly glamorous:
NO MELT-DOWNS
I have far too many bad memories from past trips during which I over-reacted to an unexpected conflict and then spent days ruminating rather than making new good memories.
In the past, my goal was to prevent conflict by keeping everyone happy.
Now, after three decades of marriage, and 27 years of parenting, I’ve finally figured out that there are two things I’m incapable of doing:
- preventing conflict
- keeping everyone happy
Going into this trip, I kept reminding myself:
- conflict is inevitable
- one (or more) of us is likely to be unhappy at any point in time
According to John Gottman, the “magic” relationship ratio of positive to negative interactions is 5:1. So, I focused on diluting the inevitable negatives with intentional positives.
When you recognize that travel naturally amplifies (and even multiplies) negativity, you can restore balance by intentionally increasing positivity through expressing extra appreciation, laughing heartily at the funny stuff that happens, listening attentively and actively.
Counteract travel challenges with intentional positivity.
5. Check Your Reflexes — Regularly
The biggest travel problem for an HSP is usually her own internal stress reactions to external issues. When I sensed my anxiety level rising, I checked four reflexes and often found at least one in need of adjustment.
Run thru these four areas and ask these key questions regularly:
- Jaw — Am I gritting my teeth (stress reflex) or is my jaw relaxed? Is my tongue clamped to the roof of my mouth (stress reflex) or resting on the bottom?
- Breath — Am I taking short shallow breaths (stress reflex) or deep even breaths?
- Hands — Are my hands clenched (stress reflex) or open?
- Feet — Are my feet cold (stress reflex) or warm?
Watch for, and respond to, your body’s stress signals.
6. Focus on What’s Going Well
I used to obsess over having the perfect vacation.
I would tell myself, This will only be a good trip if _____ doesn’t happen. Then, every little _____ that happened, I saw as ruining the trip.
Now, my goal is to forget problems quickly and focus on what’s going well, such as …
7. Remember Who and Whose You Are
By the third day of our trip, I felt a pervasive sense of being misplaced, lost, fragile, unsafe.
For most of my life, back when I didn’t know that being an HSP is a thing, this feeling used to throw me for a complete tailspin. I can’t tell you how many trips I cut short, rushing home in a panic.
Now I know that even the best of trips can cause an HSP to feel disoriented and vulnerable.
Lacking familiar context, we can become homesick and even feel that our identity is fragmenting.
I rely on ANCHOR verses more than ever when I’m away from home. They hold me steady through the inevitable waves of overwhelm that occur during travel.
To borrow a metaphor from Shakespeare, God’s word is our North Star.
It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark.
And the Psalmist reminds us that no matter how far we travel, we never leave God behind:
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.Psalm 139:7-10 (NIV)
God is with you wherever you go; with Him, you are always safe and at Home.
Your Turn:
What HSP travel tips would you add?
I loved reading this right from the start. Early in the article you wrote about questioning how many days until you could be back home. That is me so much of the time. The only advice I might add is to give yourself time to reorient once you return home.
I didn’t know other people felt like #7! This is such a revelation to me. I have never understood it, and now I do a little more, and don’t feel so alone. THANK YOU so much for sharing this whole post, Sheri!! 💗
Thank you ! These are great travel tips whether one is HSP or not.
My daughter is going with a friend on a week long trip. They have spent weekends together but never 7 days. I am sharing this with her.
Great tips!
This is hilarious timing as I’m getting my house in order today, so that tomorrow all the lists can commence as we prepare to go on vacation. Thank you for your ministry! I can always forward these to my husband and give him a glimpse at what I’m thinking and feeling because your 99% spot on every time. 💜
It was as if you were writing about me in every single word. I am married to a man who isn’t able to understand the challenges of an HSP. My trick is to not go on every trip to visit his family out of state. I probably go on 2/3 of the trips. I savor my alone time. Sometimes I don’t even turn on the television when he’s gone. If I do, it’s for a sappy movie he wouldn’t want to watch. So, my tip is there are times when I say “no” and let others travel without me:)
Funny, I just posted my own “how to” article on how to avoid vacation stress. Yours is much more comprehensive and well written – thank you so much! These tips are great! The other things I would add is include others in the planning so you don’t feel like it is all up to you. This helps avoid feeling (as you said) you are responsible for everyone’s happiness. Also, include padding the budget in the “unexpected” category. I really want to travel more, but now that I’m older I’m finding the actual process of getting there less and less appealing! : )
Thank you Cheri!
For being so transparent and sharing some of the L
“antidotes” for the things I also struggle with before and during traveling. It brought tears to my eyes to know that I can relate with someone else who goes through the same emotional ups and downs! And thoughts.
God bless you
A sister HSP
This couldn’t have come at a better time!!!! I am traveling with my family in a few days out of the country for about a month and I too have been dreading some of it. I understand completely, and I am so grateful you do as well.
Thank you so much! I will try to implement your tips, and I am so glad to be understood.
I love to travel and this blog helped me see how I can truly enjoy it. Twelve years ago we toured Israel and Petra, Jordan with 28 people. We knew my sister, her husband, (they were the tour heads, pastor and wife), my niece and nephew plus my husband, my daughter and step-daughter (yes, that one!). I survived and actually wanted to go back as soon as we landed, but stories were accumulated and my HSP tendencies accounted for them. Ha-ha!
Thanks for the great tips!
Although late to comment on this, I have HUGE sensitivities to smells, particularly fragrance and laundry detergents. I always travel with my own sheets and pillows or else I will be sick as a dog the following morning. Whenever possible I request that no candles or deodorizers be used in our room. Well meaning hosts just try to be nice and have no idea my vacation is being ruined. Restaurants can be really challenging when we are seated near someone with scent on. My jaw goes numb signaling a migraine and I panic. Yesterday was our anniversary and my husband just looked at my face and quickly requested another table. I try to be cool and act nonchalant, it is so embarrassing and makes me feel like a pain in the neck. I have super hearing as well so be careful what you say since some of us can hear EVERYTHING 🙉 Sometimes I want to say something really rude so I text it to my daughter instead cause she gets it and responds with something absurdly funny. We share the same sense of humor. Seems to diffuse my annoyance when we can laugh about it. Texting back and forth (she lives in another state) has saved us both from many outbreaks of Foot in Mouth over the years!
Wow this is me to a tee! I’m also named Pamela and I can always tell I’m in trouble when my jaw suddenly goes numb. I carry my own bedding, towels, etc. but still have had very little luck w/hotels so I gave up. I even carry a change of clothes in the car so I can change if I get saturated. My husband wants to go somewhere, anywhere but I feel I cannot. Total waste of money for me to pay for a migraine. Makes me feel like a pain. I wear masks everywhere indoors and tuck my hair into a hat so it doesn’t absorb fragrance. I get some relief carrying a small container of coffee to smell after being exposed, seems to re set my smell so I don’t have the ghost smell that goes on for days making me nauseous. We only go to church in the evening nowadays, after all the perfume, shampoo, lotion, hairspray gets time to wear off so we watch the morning service on tv. I love all the tips shared.
These tips are fabulous, Cheri. I will apply them to two upcoming trips. One tip I’ll add is from Michael Hyatt–take an additional day off after you return to slowly get back into the groove. I use that day to catch up on email, do some laundry, and relax before I resume my normal schedule.
Cheri,
I sent an email also mid-post because I had to say THANK YOU for writing and publishing this blog post! As mentioned, I thought of everything on a recent trip except that it might have been my HS nature and that I could have tamed that tiger! Lol thanks so much! I will
Be on the lookout for that tiger to rear her head on upcoming trips I have planned this year, but I will BE ready! Thank God you posted it as so many needed to read these words! {{{hugs}}}
Thank you so much for sharing this post! Ive always felt guilty when people would ask if I was excited about traveling and I would say I was more nervous than excited. And the cold feet being a sign of stress? That makes soooo much more sense now! Ill make sure to watch for this in the future too!
Thank you so much for writing this article. I learned of HSP since my last trip and now I understand why I travel is so difficult and painful. I promised my husband a trip next year and now I have a few tools to make it manageable. Sigh, all this time I thought this was another one of my quirks.
Cheri, you are awesome! So glad to have discovered Grit and Grace.
Beautiful photos! I identify with “i’m dreading it” comment. I want to visit Israel, and I know it will be amazing, but HSP kicks in. Thanks for the encouragement and tips!
Traveling to quiet places: Ireland, Iceland, Alaska. I have never been to these places. Perhaps to some of the state or national parks? I personally like to travel to Amish sites in Pennsylvania. These are found in various American states.
Love this article and identify with so many of the points mentioned ( I, too, have a packing list file on my computer 😆)
Thanks for your thoughts and encouragement, my fellow HSP!
This is great and so timely! I’m about to be away from for nine days going into what could be a challenging situation. These tips will definitely come in handy. Thank you.
I am really enjoying the emails and information you send! Thanks for helping realize I’m enough.
My family is getting ready to head to missionary training school in another country for 10 months. My HSP is going through the roof as I am making preparations for this huge change of life. I found an email about this blog post in my archives yesterday. What a timely reminder! Thanks for sharing these things.