Never Good Enough = Adrenaline Addiction
“Growing Sensitive & Strong” is the life-changing program that moves you from “What’s wrong with me?” to comfortable and confident in who God made you as a Highly Sensitive Person.
To be the first to know when Early Bird Registration for our summer session begins, you can add yourself to the Waiting List right here.
(If you’re stopping by today from the Online Bible Study of Stressed-Less Living, Welcome! Here are my reflections on option #2: Adrenaline Addiction.)
During a recent sermon, our pastor interviewed one of my award-winning colleagues and asked him for his one take-away from the school year.
“Good enough isn’t good enough for my Jesus,” he replied.
I should have cheered in agreement.
Instead, my heart sank, heavy with shame.
Enamored by Excellence
“Good enough isn’t good enough.”
I used to feel that way. Always going above and beyond. Always striving to raise the bar.
Over-achievement was my norm, my “C level.”
I was impressive.
I was intimidating.
I was sick.
My frenzied efforts weren’t for Jesus; their sole purpose was to protect me from failure and criticism.
Addicted to Adrenaline
It’s been a year since I realized that Perfectionism, not God, has been in control of my life.
As I began saying, “No!” to this bully, I starting feeling off my game.
Run-down.
Irritated.
Tired.
“An addiction to adrenaline is often difficult to diagnose because it pushes us beyond what is healthy under the guise of normal life. People who are addicted will find that they make sure that they are doing something…all the time. There is never room for down time because that would mean that are not needed or they may feel unproductive. The rush they receive from busyness keeps them going from day to day…
No matter what the root cause of adrenaline addiction may be, adrenaline junkies are always overwhelmed, pulled in every direction (often by choice), and stressed to the max. They thrive on the need to feel necessary and productive and possess and insatiable sense of urgency and need for accomplishment. If anything comes up that derails their well-laid-out plans, sheer panic could potentially set in.” (Tracie Miles, Stressed-Less Living, pg. 159-160)
As I began saying “No!” to Perfectionism, I started experiencing severe adrenaline withdrawal.
It was so tempting to go back to my comfortable, familiar, just-try-harder habits. But my mother’s illness has provided me with a much-needed reality check.
Alzheimer’s Disease
My mother has had Alzheimer’s Disease for seven years and has lost most of her memories. For the few years, my brother, my father, and I have been comforting each other by remarking about how “happy” Mother is, now.
But when I visited a year ago, my brother and father kept saying, “She’s the happiest she’s been in 45 years.” And I found myself getting more and more upset every time they said it.
Which felt very wrong.
Why wouldn’t I want my mother to be the happiest she’s been in 45 years?
Through prayer and journaling, I got in touch with a profound sadness for my mother: to be so unhappy for such a long time. 45 years!
Then, the real reason hit me: The real reason I got upset when they said Mother’s the happiest she’s been in 45 years:
I was about to turn 45.
- My father remembers her happy days.
- My brother remembers her happy days.
- I do not I remember her happy days.
All I’ve ever known is the stressed-out Mother, the anxious Mother, the worried Mother, the profoundly disappointed Mother…disappointed with everything, and everyone.
Especially with me: I was “such the disappointment.”
I always felt, in my heart of hearts, that my mother’s unhappiness was my fault, and, thus, my job to fix. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to do the impossible.
She lived a life so full of disappointed expectations that she’s had to completely lose her memories of herself and her family in order to finally be happy again.
The happiest she’s been in 45 years.
Stress Less, Live More
I turned 46 yesterday and renewed the commitment I made last year:
I will not wait until my brain is stressed beyond memory to be happy.
- I will not wait until I don’t recognize the children I birthed and named.
- I will not wait until I no longer know the man with whom I’ve spent over half my life.
- I will not wait any longer to to experience the life of hope and joy and peace that God promises.
How?
Stop panicking that my “good enough isn’t good enough for my Jesus.”
Open my heart and ask God to remove the millstone of shame (the one that comes from trying harder and forever failing.)
And start inviting Jesus to define “good enough” for me.
Try This Today:
As you go through your daily commitments, ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I get to or because I have to?” For the “have to” activities, ask yourself, “Which of these are mandatory and which are optional?” For the optional ones, prayerfully consider how they got on your schedule in the first place. Might they be signs of an adrenalin addiction or the bullying of Perfectionism at work?
Your Turn!
- How much margin do you have in a typical day–time to relax, refresh, and renew? Is this intentional or by default?
- In the quote about adrenaline addiction, does anything resonate with you? Have you thought of it this way before?
- How discern what’s truly “good enough” in your daily life?
- Anything else on your heart!
Great encouragement, Cheri! I will begin to let Jesus define my good enough. Thanks for linking up with Woman to Woman!
Yes, the quote about adrenaline addiction does resonate with me. I, too, have in times past found myself beat down with unfulfilled expectations (of myself) and disappointment of unrealized (and unrealistic) goals… all the while stressing out and laying awake at night with anxiety. About eight years ago, after walking through a few scary months, I began a different journey. A journey to rediscovering purpose and hope in Jesus. Away from trying to be (or appear) perfect and toward a life of fulfillment in Christ. He makes my good …good enough. And He offers grace for our journey. 🙂 Thanks for sharing this personal story, Cheri. I love your beautiful heart! Love, Shelly
Shelly — I LOVE how you put this: “He makes my good…good enough.” It’s my goal to learn to live this in the everyday ordinaries.
People pleasing is a good thing until it isn’t! 🙂 I am so thankful God loves us where we are and will be with us every step along the way of our journey! Cheri, you are in my prayers, dear sister! I knew the moment I became acquainted with you last year that you are a QUALITY person! Be happy and joyful, my friend! Come to Asheville! We’ll sit in rocking chairs at the arboretum and share stories! 🙂
Beth A.
Heya Beth! Rocking chairs are sounding better and better these days…and sharing stories always sounds fabulous! Thank you for your prayers…yes, so glad God isn’t finished with me yet and has the patience of a saint! 😉
Awesome post, Cheri! I have struggled with over achieving and people pleasing, with busyness for the sake of attention, with addiction to a busy schedule. Since dropping some of those voluntary responsibilities, I have experienced occasional relapses, but mostly I have felt tremendous peace. I’m glad God has been able to speak to you through your Mom’s experience.
Sandi — Thanks so much! Love your label “occasional relapses” for how easily we start over-stuffing our schedules. Love hearing that you’ve found “tremendous peace.” I’ve been cutting back on my calendar and am praying for the same thing!
Cheri, I’ll tell you what I’ve learned about “my good enough isn’t good enough for my Jesus”. Well, my good enough isn’t, but His good enough is and He give His “good enough” to me as a gift. Isn’t Jesus wonderful? Why should I be stressed?
Barbara — GREAT reframe of the “good enough” stuff! When I focus on His gift of Himself, my stresses seem so insignificant…
Beautiful post! May we all strive to have not just happiness, but true Joy in Him. Many blessings to you, and happy belated birthday!
Lauren — SO true! You’re reminding me of Kay Warren’s book “Choose Joy Because Happiness Isn’t Enough.” And thank you for the birthday wishes — not belated, just “extending the celebration”!
Thank you for sharing. Beautifully written and has really made me stop and think. Get to or have to?? and I have to ask myself, Am I taking time to thank God for the things he has allowed me to do? Our pastor reminded us this week that everything was made by God, for God and to honor God. He asked us to reflect on how our life would be different if we realized and fully grasped that everything we do was made by God, for God and to honor God.
Melanie — Thank you for sharing your pastor’s reminder: it’s excellent! Speaking for myself, I know I can get so caught up in the adrenaline addiction of doing things for God that I lose touch with Him. The only way I know of to live the way you describe — grasping that everything we do was made by God, for God, and to honor God — is to slow down.
Cheri…thank you…thank you….thank you! I am having such a stressful day! I realized, after reading your blog that it’s because I have very little, if any, time to relax, refresh, renew and am no good to anyone. Especially myself. I think it has been my way of life for so long as it provided something to hide behind and didn’t allow thinking time. Your words are very poignant and, while my mom doesn’t have Altzheimer, your message can be my message.
How DO we know when good enough is good enough???????
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!
Wendy — Isn’t it amazing how quickly we eliminate the margins from our lives? I constantly battle feeling “lazy” for putting my feet up for 20 minutes in the afternoon…even though I KNOW I will be so much more productive the rest of the day. As for how we DO know when good enough is good enough, I’ve decided to quit listening to other people and to myself. This feels like it’s in the “pray without ceasing” category, and it’s going to take time to get used to listening for — and hearing — the Holy Spirit speak to me, since I’m so used to making up my own rules or following others’!
I totally relate. I have those same issues and feel ‘good enough’ trying to break that lie.
My mama had Alzheimer’s Disease too. She was always happy before and during the disease. It’s funny cuz I never thought about her being happy during the process of the disease but I think you are right. They are happy cuz there are no worries really.
My mama’s verse was John 10:10 live life to the fullest (of which she did she was body surfing in maui at 84)
I’m gonna go do something for fun
Nancy — What a great idea to go do something for FUN! I realized not long ago that for me, fun is the first to go…off the schedule and out of the budget. Since I’m a Sanguine/Expressive, it’s like cutting off my oxygen flow! My husband and I bought a few new Christian comedy videos to watch during the last few weeks of school, a few minutes each evening — it was SO good to laugh and have fun! (So, what did you end up doing for fun?!?)
Cheri, thank you so much for sharing your heart! You are speaking directly to me right now. I finished reading Chapter 8 this morning and asked myself “Am I addicted to adrenaline?” I felt like that was not really possible since I have been out of the workforce for 4 years now, but your comparison to Perfectionism made it clear. I don’t crave going back to work for the adrenaline rush, I crave it for the ability to excel at something! I don’t feel as if I am doing this “stay-at-home mother thing” very well and desperately want to get back in the workforce where I can see my accomplishments. That makes me sad sometimes but still something I feel. Thank you for sharing and pointing out an area that I definitely need to pray for help in!
Mindy — If I could turn back time, I would change so much about my stay-at-home mom years. I was so driven to continue having “accomplishments” to show for my time and energy that I drove myself and my family to exhaustion. I wish I’d modeled a gracious mother/wife of peaceful confidence who understood her own needs for rest and restoration (rather than denying them in the never-ending quest to produce!) I wish my children had seen me spend time in my prayer chair, reading my Bible, journaling, and just enjoying time with God. To “excel” in my relationship with God would have been the best possible “accomplishment” for me and my family!
My mom had breast cancer at the age of 65. At that point in her life, she decided that she was going to change. She was going to stop stressing and start living. She lived for 6 fantastic years before she died from an unrelated event. I wish I had learned from her. Her last 6 years were great. She was happy and loved.
I’m approaching 60. I have a lump in my breast that is getting viewed today. While I don’t think (nor does my doctor) that my lump is serious, it did cause me to reflect on my mom’s transition. Your blog really helped me to see all of this in clear light. Thanks.
Nancy — I’ve had friends like this…one made the intentional choice to alter her natural personality and went from being a driven Choleric/Driver to a Phlegmatic/Amiable. Proof that we don’t need to fall back on “well, this is just the way I am” but can take prayerful baby steps toward change!
Thanks much for sharing your story. I applaud you for having the courage to face this in your life and make a commitment to change.
I resonate with your adrenaline addition.
I’m an achiever too and fight the “not good enough” battle..
I understand more than I wish I did about the trap of perfectionism. 🙂
I’ve been fighting this most of my life and the resulting depression and anxiety. I still struggle with the perfection trap. However, as I’m changing my mindset and taking steps to come out on the other side of the perfection trap. I find more joy and freedom in my life.
One time I heard the Lord say, “The determination to be wise is better than the determination to be perfect.”
Also that, “It’s more important to love and delight in your children than to do everything right.” As I followed this insight with my children, it helped me to see the way God loves and delights in me in the midst of my shortcomings.
I still struggle with this some as it comes to my writing and have allowed perfectionism to hinder sharing all I have to give. Overcoming perfectionism is a journey and one we don’t do perfectly. 🙂
By writing and sharing what you did today, it helps give me more permission to relax, be myself and to enjoy life. I like your practical application and action steps and I will definitely be asking myself some of those questions.
Thanks again for sharing.
Sharon — LOVE your reminder that it’s more important to love and delight than be right! Psalm 18:19 is my life verse…I have a long way to go, but my aim is to live ever “in His delight”!
I love how you take it all in and then evaluate, ” Is this true or not?” I do that too and used to think there was something wrong with me. Always contradicting. I love the wisdom of your questions in try this today and will put them on the chalkboard. Thanks for speaking from the heart. So refreshing!!!
April — Sounds like you’re a reflective learner/thinker, too. I need 24-48 hours to really mull something over and turn it around and around in my mind…to agree, disagree, dissect, reassemble. I’m useless in situations that require snap decisions, but I’m pretty good at understanding multiple points of view. Living in the tension of contradictions respects the complexities of life.
You wrote: “I will not wait until I don’t recognize the children I birthed and named.” May this be so for me!!
My five young children DO stress me out. But they also make me happy. May I show them that!
Sarah — Stress is unavoidable — especially with five young children!!! Some stresses are good…if I recall my college Health class, there’s eustress which is beneficial and distress which is destructive. Making a point to enjoy your children and SHOW them sounds like a great way to engage eustress and decrease distress!
You and I are thinking along the same lines this week….my post tomorrow will be about figuring out what enough actually is! Great wisdom, thanks for sharing your heart and encouraging others!
Must be the “twin bond” goin’ on again!