57 Myths About Sensitivity and How to Debunk Them
“Growing Sensitive & Strong” is the life-changing program that moves you from โWhatโs wrong with me?โ to comfortable and confident in who God made you as a Highly Sensitive Person.
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My mocha still tastes like mothballs.
Specifically the seven boxes of moth balls spread under our house to encourage Pepe Le Pew to find a new romantic rendez-vous.
A week ago, we couldn’t imagine anything as bad as waking up at 3:00 AM to a house reeking of fresh Essance du Skunke.
But after seven days of mothball mochas, I’ll admit it:
I miss the good old days—when the house just smelled like skunk.
Deskunking and Debunking
While waiting (and waiting and…) for the skunk smell to leave my house, I receive this email from a reader:
…[myth] debunking is a lot like de-skunk-ing. Gonna get those smelly revolting ideas out of my head and heart.”
Yes!
Reflecting on her words, I notice three ways that myths about sensitivity are similar to skunk odor:
- They’re stinky.
- They’re strong.
- They’re s-t-u-b-b-o-r-n.
57 Myths About Sensitivity
Here’s the list of myths about sensitivity that we’ve brainstormed as a community. (I divided them into four groups to make them a wee bit more manageable.)
As you read, keep track of how many myths resonate with you:
Myths about what you should (& shouldn’t) do
- You should just be able to control your sensitivity.
- You should just be able to switch off your sensitivity.
- You should just be able to stop overthinking things and let them go.
- You need to grow thicker skin and grow up.
- You’re supposed to suck it up [Buttercup].
- Sensitivity is a state of mind that needs to be overcome — it’s really all in your head.
- If you tried harder, your sensitivity wouldn’t be an issue.
- If you would just give it to God, you wouldn’t have any problems.
- You shouldn’t feel _________. (intimidated, upset, embarrassed, etc.)
- You shouldn’t take things so personally.
- You shouldn’t react so easily.
- You’re the only one who ______. (thinks that / feels that / reacts that way)
- Nobody else ______. (thinks that / feels that / reacts that way)
Myths about what you can’t be or do
- Sensitive people can’t be leaders.
- Your opinions are invalid because you’re “too emotional.”
- You can’t think through problems and come up with real solutions.
- You don’t have strength or fortitude to make decisions.
- Sensitive people can’t handle the stresses of a relationship.
- Sensitivity is a disability.
- Type A overachievers can’t be highly sensitive.
- Being sensitive means you can’t take a joke.
- Only women are highly sensitive.
- Highly Sensitive People are incapable of logical thought.
- You can’t expect to be taken seriously.
Myths about your true motives & hidden meanings
- Being so-called sensitive is just a ruse to gain attention.
- You think you’re a Know It All.
- You are a Drama Queen.
- Sensitive means that you’re easily offended.
- Being sensitive is the same as being too emotional.
- Sensitivity means that your emotions are out of control.
- All conflict is automatically your fault.
- You cry to get your own way.
- If you’re “too sensitive,” your relationship with God is not what it should be.
- It’s your own fault when you’re hurt; you’re the one who over-analyzes everything.
- You “over explain” because you’re afraid of failure.
- If you congratulate someone, it’s not genuine; it’s because you are actually threatened and are trying to be manipulative.
- You can’t possibly hear / smell / see / taste / feel that; you’re making it up.
Myths about your core identity and worth
- There is something wrong with you.
- Sensitivity is not normal.
- Sensitivity is a personality flaw.
- Being sensitive is a bad thing.
- Being sensitive is a sin.
- You need to change.
- Sensitive people are weak.
- Sensitive = whiney cry baby
- Crying is weak.
- You cry because you are way too emotional.
- Sensitive people were those who cry ALL THE TIME OVER ANYTHING.
- Sensitive people are high maintenance.
- Sensitivity = immaturity
- You’re unstable.
- You’re too intense.
- You’re overly-dramatic.
- HSP’s are selfish.
- HSP’s are no fun.
- Sensitive people are just big scaredy cats.
Other: What myth(s) did we miss?
How to Debunk Every Myth About Sensitivity
So, now what?
My original plan was to write a blog post series debunking each myth, one-by-one.
But 57 separate myth debunks? NOT gonna happen.
Don’t need to happen.
Every single myth can be debunked with the same approach.
The process below is one I’ve used for years. But you’re getting my first attempt at turning it into a step-by-step tool. I’d love your feedback so we can improve it together.
Go ahead—click on the image and download the 2-page PDF file.
(I’ll be right here, sipping my mocha and pretending moth ball is an acceptable coffee flavor…)
Got it?
Great.
Let’s walk through it together:
Step 0 — I fill in the specific myth I’m struggling with:
The sensitivity myth I’m struggling with says “You shouldn’t feel sad.”
Step 1 — As I pray-cess this myth, I’m asking, “What’s them?“
This question gives me perspective.
When I recently told someone close to me, “I miss Shatzi” (my dog who died last September), their response was, “You need to focus on your cats.”
This tells me that they aren’t comfortable with grief. They aren’t open to feeling pain, let alone sitting with me in mine.
Step 2 — As I pray-cess this myth, I’m asking, “What’s me?“
This question gives me understanding.
I know that I need to feel my feelings of sadness, loss, and grief. Not dwell in them forever. Not drag others down into them. But I need to honor them, listen to them, and learn from them.
I also know that I need to talk about how I feel. Talking through experiences and emotions is normal for a verbal processor.
Step 3 — As I pray-cess this myth, I’m asking, “What’s True?“
This question brings me courage.
I recall the way Jesus intentionally joins Mary in her grief over her brother’s death, even though He knows full well that he is about to perform a miracle that will reunite all three siblings.
I remember that God understands my grief.
Step 4 — As I pray-cess this myth, I’m asking, “What’s new?“
This question brings me Strength.
The conviction I sense today sounds something like this:
I have a habit of taking my Emotional Connection Cup to a dry well and feeling angry, resentful, and bitter that I walk away thirsty every single stinkin’ time.
So, I need to do 2 things new:
- First, I need to take my Emotional Connection Cup, first and foremost, to the One who can give me living water so I will never thirst again.
- Second, I need to focus on what this person can offer, and go to them for that.
Let the Debunking Begin
Now, it’s your turn.
Pick a myth that’s been stinky, strong, and stubborn in your head and heart.
Pray-cess it through the Myth Debunker.
Practice asking:
- What’s them?
- What’s me?
- What’s True?
- What’s new?
I’ll be cheering you on.
(And hoping that your mochas never taste like mothballs.)
Q4U
- How many of our 57 myths about sensitivity feel familiar to you?
- Which myth feels most personal?
- What about the Myth Debunker worked well for you? How can we make it even more useful?
Cheri,
For some reason I could not download your book on debunking. It said something about being blocked so I’ll see if my daughter can help me with it.
There are three of us HSP living in our home so we do fine together. It’s when we come eye to eye with those who are not that it’s a challenge, as every HSP can attest.
I was actually called a “bleeding heart,” by someone in a not-so-nice letter which I’m sure she wrote for my own good. I like stopping by your place where I can be who I am.
I’m a poet and my poems will resonate with others and that is a wonderful place to connect. The next book I will be writing will be on grief.
Very eye opening article thank you Cheri. One myth ‘if youre too sensitive then your relationship with God is not what it should be’ is the worst one for me. Could that comment be bordering on spiritual abuse? One’s relstionship with God is sacred ground and wow, who is qualified to judge it? A christian mentor used to tell me a similar thing that my stress levels indicated i wasnt abiding in Christ. Wow that hurt alot. Funny, I no longer seek the help that mentor! Two years I was diagnosed with 3 chronic diseases that really affect your ability to cope with stress which was really vindicating for me. It also conveys the importance of not judging. I think any comment that has an underlying connotation or note of blame in it are hard for Hsps. It doesnt take long to work out the blame/shame folks…the tough ones who are quick to boast they ‘just get on with it’. Ughhh…well this myth buster tool will help me not only ‘just get on with it’ but also help me love others and bring me closer to Jesus. Thank you Cheri and team ๐
Cheri thank you! Your HSP posts are throwing me an emotional lifeline after hearing my whole life how wrong who I am was. I’m strong and confident much of the time but I’m recognizing I have a lot of HSP characteristics that those close to me growing up dismissed as wrong and that I needed to change. This post had my eyes so wide! Thank you. I’m going to print that and pray-cess quite a few things.
I love this, Cheri,! Thanks so much. I look forward to using the sheet to praycess. I almost started crying reading the list because a lot of these are rooted so deeply in my heart.
Well, I must be extremely sensitive – more than I thought, because I checked every answer. I am very sensitive; I get my feelings hurt very easily; I don’t understand people and they sure don’t even “try” to understand me! They think I all have a problem and need to go back to a psychiatrist – or just to counseling. I try to explain what I mean – they either take over the conversation – or just shoo me away. It really is hard to be a dedicated Christian, when “other” Christians treat you like you are an idiot and nothing you say matters!! ๐ :(. If I have a problem; I’m told it’s all in my head – that’s not the way it really is! I’m ready to give up! :(.
“You cry to get your own way.”
I’ve been hearing that for years from my dad! It annoys me so much to hear that over and over again, even though I’m now over 40.
Thanks so much for this helpful tool Cheri! ๐
Agree!
This is too true.
I’m new to your blog but have read through almost every post and it has been VERY helpful. Today I’m struggling with #13you can’t possibly feel/hear/taste/smell that, you’re making it up. I have monster reactions to smell and migraines to perfume and stress. I’m positive you are tasting moth ball coffee because that is a nauseating smell. i could use a little support and prayer this week. We sold our big family home last month the same day my mom had amputation of her leg. We move in 2 wks and haven’t found a house. I’m not telling mom because I don’t want to add to her stress and of course she wants me with her as much as possible. My brother wants moms apartment sold quickly so we are there packing the stuff we want plus a 3,800 sq ft house that we are downsizing. Constant house hunting an hour and a half away with all the candles and plug ins along with contractors who come here wearing strong cologne is making me sick. I am hanging on but gotta say it is quite overwhelming. Thank you for listening.
Hang in there Pamela! Tell the contractor you have chemical sensitivities that cause migraines and would he be so kind as to not wear his cologne the day he sees you. He may forget but at least you tried. I have chemical sensitivities caused by mold poisoning. If i hug someone at church and I get their perfume on me it makes me sick until I can get home and shower. Wet wipes in the car help. Anyway God is with you and has great plans for you and your family. Who knows how He will work all this for good? Especially our and others eternal good. One thing Cheri taught me through this blog is the importance of time outs and rest/self care. And so true when moving. Even if its a couple of minutes breathing. I just downloaded free app mycalmbeat which slows your breathing down. Loving it God bless