Sensitive and Strong

The place for the HSP Christian woman to find connection.

  • About
  • Blog
    • Caring for Yourself
    • Connecting with Others
    • Cherished by God
  • Book
  • Course
  • Coaching
  • Community
  • Contact
  • Member Sign-In

Just Say Nothing Instead of This

by Cheri Gregory

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

Are you ready to lose that overwhelming sense that "something must be wrong with me" and learn, instead, to embrace this HSP gift God’s given you? The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe will re-open to new members soon, and we’d love to have you join us. Click here to get on the Waiting List.

Just Say Nothing Instead of This

Just is a four-letter word in my book.

When used as a sentence-opener

“Just…”

it makes me want to run for the hills, tear my hair out, and speak entirely in cliches for days.

Don’t “Just…” Me

Why so much ire for such a demure little word?

Advice that starts with “Just…” sounds patronizing, which is dangerously close to contemptuous.

“Just…” also comes across as simplistic, as if the most complex aspects of life can be reduced to a pat answer.

Plus, it ignores that each person has unique strengths and struggles; what comes easily for one may require Herculean effort of another.

Why I Don’t Trust Those Who “Just…”

When someone offers me advice that starts with “Just…” I stop listening. To me, it indicates one of two things:

1)  They have never personally experienced my struggle. Thus, they have no practical guidance to offer, only theory.

2)  They have personally experienced my struggle, but it was so long ago that they no longer remember the journey, only the joy of victory.

Not only do I stop listening to such advice-givers, I also shift into self-defense.

Neither can offer the help I need. And both may unintentionally inflict additional pain via guilt, blame, and shame.

Why “Just…” Hurts Instead of Helps

Here’s a short a short list of common “Just…”-isms.

The first dozen are my own particular pet peeves; the rest were supplied in less than an hour of brainstorming by my Facebook friends:

“Just…”

  1. …quit taking yourself so seriously.”
  2. …let go and let God.”
  3. …look on the bright side.”
  4. …grow up.”
  5. …stop thinking about it.”
  6. …lower your expectations.”
  7. …do it.”
  8. …try harder.”
  9. …get over it.”
  10. …move on.”
  11. …relax.”
  12. …do what comes naturally.”
  13. …calm down.”
  14. …go with the flow.”
  15. …be more patient.”
  16. …be glad it’s not worse.”
  17. …be the bigger person.”
  18. …get a grip.”
  19. …pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”
  20. …grow thicker skin.”
  21. …say no.”
  22. …walk away.”
  23. …forgive and forget.”
  24. …be yourself.”
  25. …choose joy.”
  26. …put on your big girl panties.”
  27. …trust that God is in control.”
  28. …quit over-thinking it.”
  29. …take a break.”
  30. …don’t try so hard.”
  31. …ignore it and it will go away.”
  32. …spend more time in the Word.”
  33. …go for it!”

Who Has the Right to “Just…” Me

This list contains many powerful truths in distilled form.

But truth is not limited to words. Truth includes when the words are said, how they are said, and — of utmost importance — by whom they are said.

Last weekend, I spent 36 hours wrestling through an issue before finally getting to the point where I could give – and receive – the truth that the time had come to “Just let it go.”

The most important person who will ever say “Just…” to me?

It’s me.

I also have a small circle of family and friends who know me intimately. They’ve laughed and cried and prayed through life with me. They’ve earned the right to ask, “Cheri, may I suggest something that may be hard to hear?”

And then (and only then!) to say,  “Just…”

What to Say Instead

If you don’t know me but feel the urge to say something because my struggle is making you feel awkward, triggering your own insecurities, threatening your world view, or just plain annoying you?

Instead of sugar-coating your message with “Just…” feel free to be blunt:

“You poor silly little thing, let me explain this to you slowly, using small simple words.” 

At least then I won’t have to feign interest. Or even civility.

Self-defensive snark aside, here’s what’s actually helpful to hear when I’m struggling:

  • Me, too.
  • Been there.
  • I get it.
  • Hard is hard.
  • This sounds ______ (tough, complicated, frustrating) for you.

And if you can’t authentically say any of these?

Just say nothing at all.

 * * * * *

What’s your least favorite “Just…”-ism to hear?

What “Just…” advice do you find yourself giving?

 * * * * *

Wonder if you, too, might be an HSP?  Subscribe to my blog and receive your FREE “HSP–Who, Me?” PDF!

MSTM Header

(And if you’re already a subscriber, simply Email me at cheri@cherigregory.com, and I’ll send it right to you!)

Share155
Pin
Tweet
Email
Print
161Shares
155
161Shares

Categorized: Uncategorized

About Cheri Gregory

I'm a collaborator at heart. With Kathi Lipp, I'm the co-author of You Don't Have to Try So Hard and Overwhelmed. With Amy Carroll, I'm the co-host of Grit 'n' Grace: The Podcast and co-author of Exhale. With Denise J. Hughes, I'm the co-author of Sensitive & Strong. I've been married to my college sweetheart, Daniel, for almost 32 years and have two adult children: Annemarie and Jonathon.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments

  1. Ann C says

    March 2, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    “Just get a divorce.” What?? After over 40 years of marriage to a man who is in his 48th year of being a paraplegic? Just what…………leave him to fend for himself? Abandon him? No empathy for our situation, words of understanding, support, encouragement. Is it me? Dear Jesus, please give me the wisdom when I encounter these people.

    Reply
  2. Terri Goehner says

    February 25, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    I try to avoid using “just” responses/advice because I know how annoying and useless it can be. Of course that doesn’t stop me from using “just” phrases in my self talk. I’m always telling myself to just get over it. I guess that makes me my own worst enemy!

    Reply
  3. Julie L. says

    February 25, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    This post is spot-on! You’ve articulated something that I have felt through the years, but never defined.

    Reply
  4. Kendra Burrows says

    February 25, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    Great article! Food for thought, that’s for sure.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. » Just Say Nothing Instead of This says:
    February 25, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    […] Just is a four-letter word in my book. When used as a sentence-opener “Just…” it makes me want to run …read more       […]

    Reply

Hi, I’m Cheri Gregory. I’m delighted you’re here!

Cheri Gregory
I believe that every Highly Sensitive Christian woman can grow in confidence, candor, and contentment.

Latest

  • Why You May Often Feel Isolated as a Highly Sensitive Person
  • 3 Simple Ways to Share about Being a Highly Sensitive Person
  • 3 Ways to Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Emotions
  • How to Gently Make Your Way into Safe Community as an HSP
  • 3 Questions You Can Ask to Speed Up Your Personal Growth

Sensitive & Strong: a Guide for Highly Sensitive Persons and Those Who Love Them

Sensitive & Strong: a Guide for Highly Sensitive Persons and Those Who Love Them
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Sensitive & Strong: a Guide for Highly Sensitive Persons and Those Who Love Them
Buy now!

Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity

Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity
Buy now!

Exhale: Lose Who You’re Not. Love Who You Are. Live Your One Life Well.

Exhale: Lose Who You’re Not. Love Who You Are. Live Your One Life Well.
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Audible.com
Exhale: Lose Who You’re Not. Love Who You Are. Live Your One Life Well.
Buy now!

You Don’t Have to Try So Hard: Ditch Expectations and Live Your Own Best Life

You Don’t Have to Try So Hard: Ditch Expectations and Live Your Own Best Life
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Audible.com
You Don’t Have to Try So Hard: Ditch Expectations and Live Your Own Best Life
Buy now!

How to Quickly Calm Your Overwhelmed Heart

How to Quickly Calm Your Overwhelmed Heart

You may also enjoy...

  • Reflections on Regret and GraceReflections on Regret and Grace
  • HSP Part 3:  It’s “Just So Hard Being Me!”HSP Part 3: It’s “Just So Hard Being Me!”
  • How to Make a Self Care Plan That Works for YouHow to Make a Self Care Plan That Works for You
  • Handling “Mortified Mom Moments”Handling “Mortified Mom Moments”
  • Why You Can Be a Highly Sensitive Person AND a Strong LeaderWhy You Can Be a Highly Sensitive Person AND a Strong Leader
  • How to Create a Personal ManifestoHow to Create a Personal Manifesto

Copyright © 2022 Cheri Gregory · All Rights Reserved · Disclosure · Privacy Policy

Close

Support the Sensitive and Strong Community!

You can support this community directly through PayPal: