How to Change Your Mind

I just knocked over my coffee cup.

My morning mocha is pooling all over the floor around my prayer chair.

Familiar thoughts buzz through my brain:

• Great — so THIS is what my day is going to be like?

• I might as well give up on trying to get anything productive done today!

• I am such a klutz.

While mopping up the spill, I notice that my rags come back black.

More familiar thoughts:

• Great — my entire house is a pigsty.

• I need to drop everything and scrub the floor on my hands and knees.

• I am a horrible housekeeper.

I feel my entire day heading south as a tsunami wave of guilt, blame, and shame rises up, ready to crash down on me.

But I remember:  This isn’t my only option any more.

Meaning-Making Mode

For most of my life, whenever something inconvenient or disappointing happened, I jumped straight into Meaning-Making Mode.

But I’m starting to realize two things about making meaning:

1. I make waaaaay more meaning than necessary.
2. Most of the meaning I make is very mean to me.

Let’s go back to my spilled coffee.  What does this event literally mean?

The coffee needs to be cleaned up off the floor.

Does this one event necessarily

• dictate the tone of my entire day?

• alter all my plans?

• define my value as a human being?

No.

How about my dirty floor: what does this discovery literally mean?

The floor needs to be mopped.

Does this discovery necessarily

• dictate the tone of my entire day?

• alter all my plans?

• define my value as a human being?

No.

Divide to Conquer

It’s so natural for me to multiply the meanings of events that happen together.

But are these two events necessarily connected? Did the spilled coffee create dirt on my floor? Did the dirt on my floor cause the coffee to spill?

No, no, and more no.

I may feel an exponential impact because they happened one right after the other.

I may feel like Cheri Who Spilled Her Coffee and Has a Dirty Floor and is Now on the Alert for What Will Happen Next to Make Her Day Even Worse.

But it’s only a “double-whammy” if I make it one.

An Experiment in Meaning

I’m in an experimental mood today.

I’ve been reading The Brain That Changes Itself, which tells riveting stories that confirm and illuminate scriptures that have become ANCHOR verses for me over the last few years.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Romans 12:2a (NLT)

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

Proverbs 23:7a (NKJV)

So I’m going to try thinking of, and responding to, these two events as two pieces of data. Instead of getting caught up in meaning-making, I’m going for decision-making.

Data & Decision #1

Data #1:  There’s coffee spilled all over the floor.

Decision #1:  The coffee needs to be cleaned up off the floor. (Done.)

Data & Decision #2

Data #2:  The floor is dirty.

Decision #2:  The floor needs to be mopped.  (On my list.)

Data & Decision #3

Data #3:  This all started when I knocked my coffee mug off the side table with a quick gesture.

Decision #3:  I’ll be more intentional about moving slowly today. I had a physically and emotionally exhausting weekend. (Making mental note.)

Data & Decision #4

Data #4:  I had a physically and emotionally exhausting weekend.

Decision #4:  I need to take care of myself today. Hurry, when I’m tired, leads to hurt.  (Making another mental note.)

Data & Decision #5

Data #5:  If I slow down, I won’t get much house-cleaning done.

Decision #5:  I could develop a cleaning schedule to do a little bit every day. Or I could find a teenager who can come in once a week to vacuum and mop the floors.  (Adding to list.)

End Results

My little experiment in meaning-making mode vs. decision-making mode has a clear winner.

When Jesus said, “You will know them by their fruits,” he was talking about people. But the same is true of our thoughts.

While meaning-making may come so much more naturally, its end result is self-loathing, which does not come from God.

But did you notice how quickly decision-making led to self-compassion and self-care?

Changing from meaning-making to decision-making changes everything.

• It changes how we feel.

• It changes how we plan.

• It changes what we do.

• It even changes how we treat ourselves.

Some time today – probably within the next hour – we’re both going to encounter yet another inconvenience or disappointment.

Join me in changing from meaning-making to decision-making.

Let’s change our minds.

 * * * * *

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