Three Questions to Ask When Disappointment Hurts

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  1. This was very helpful! Thank you!!

  2. Hi Cheri!
    Before I listen to Michele and you, I need to say that I am at the end of my rope. Not the end of my God and my hope in Him to handle all that’s on my plate but at the end of Sharon fixing every conversation, every relationship, and every challenge.
    My stepdaughter and I are at a standstill. My insides are wrenched. I can’t go into all that’s happened but I ache and have to force my mind off of the situation. I’m going crazy. I don’t want to control her and know that I can’t. My husband has begun reading a book by Allison Bottke on setting boundaries with your adult child. I can’t make him stop engaging in enabling her but I am through participating in it. I asked him to read it and the heartbroken man has read farther than I have. Our conversations have been rich and rewarding.
    Because of this standstill, it looks like my stepdaughter won’t be invited to our family Easter gathering. It’s my grandson’s second Easter and my son-in-law’s family will be joining us at my daughter’s home. I can’t even think about looking at my stepdaughter as I am so hurt, angry, and disappointed. I feel guilty for standing my ground, placing a boundary around me, and protecting those I love and cherish from a stilted gathering.
    I’m going to listen to you both now and I pray that God will speak to me.

  3. What perfect timing! I told my husband I wanted to spend some “just us” time this weekend and he said, “We’ll see how things go.” I immediately felt disappointed.

    When I told my mom that I was fearful that we were not spending enough time together, she gently reminded me (thanks to the Holy Spirit giving her the words) that hubby’s mom is on Hospice and I probably would be better off to give him permission to spend all the time he needs with her, be supportive of him, and be patient for plenty of “just us” time after she passes away.

    I practically ran through the back pasture-field to catch up with him where he was walking our dogs to apologize for saying such a selfish thing and ask him to forgive me. He does need to spend whatever time he needs to spend with his terminally ill mama and I will be at his side or at home waiting for him. He forgave me and we had some very sweet “just us” time after visiting with her for several hours and then going to bed.

    To answer the self-questions and get to the bottom line, I think I wanted to feel valued and cherished. And if I had asked the questions before I put my foot in my mouth, I would have heard Jesus tell me that He cherishes me and my husband will value me even more for letting him spend precious time with his mama.

    I love your blog, Cheri! You are very real and a real blessing to me!

    1. Heya Jenn —

      So glad this resonated with you … and what an amazing example of retrospective application!

      I totally get your response to “We’ll see how it goes.” My heart practically drops out when I hear that, because it’s SO different from what I want/expect to hear. And yet I know that my DH doesn’t want to promise anything he can’t follow through on, so it’s actually his “best yes” (to use Lysa TerKeurst’s term)!

      Learning to take our heart question to Jesus is where we trade expectations of what we need/want others to do for anticipation of discovering what God is already doing. (And evidently, it’s a lesson I need to re-learn daily!)