I’m standing at the sink, chowing down on a piece of toast when I suddenly wonder:
How did I get here?
I look back at my computer desk, where I sat just a minute or two ago. Or at least I think I did. I really don’t remember, now.
- I don’t remember standing up.
- I don’t remember walking to the frig.
- I don’t remember grabbing the bag of Winter Wheat bread off the top of the frig.
- I don’t remember opening it or sticking a slice in the toaster.
- I don’t remember getting a plate or knife.
- I don’t remember dipping the knife into the peanut butter jar or squeezing the honey bear.
It bothers me that I don’t remember so many actions..
But what troubles me most is this: I don’t remember feeling hungry.
Losing the Food Battle Without a Fight
WTF? I wonder.
WTF? indeed.
As in, “Why the food?”
How have I developed such an automatic, robotic routine that I can find myself half-way through eating something without any idea how I got there?
I back-track my steps, trying to understand.
What was I doing at my computer?
Reading e-mail.
Harmless enough.
Except that one of the e-mails was upsetting. It was a blind-sider, and I didn’t want to deal with it.
“it” meaning the e-mail?
No. More than the e-mail.
The way the e-mail made me feel.
And my automatic response to feelings I don’t want to deal with is to stuff them down with food.
So the real question isn’t “Why the food?”
It’s “What’s the feeling?”
Fighting the Food Battle with Questions
Realizing that I’ve developed food habits that are so automatic, I can’t even answer the question How did I get here? shakes me.
So for several weeks, I make a point to question myself each time I head into the kitchen between meals.
I challenge myself, “Why the food?” followed by, “What’s the feeling?”
I discover a plethora of answers:
- I’m feeling Lonely.
- I’m feeling Insecure.
- I’m feeling Resentful.
- I’m feeling Angry.
- I’m feeling Worried.
- I’m feeling Unloved.
I reminded myself: Food resolves hunger, not feelings.
This works.
For a while.
Soon, though, I find that a purely intellectual response isn’t enough. I can tell myself, Apple crisp a la mode isn’t going to resolve Worry.
But I still want it.
Or, to be more honest, I want the escape from Worry that the few minutes of eating apple crisp provides.
Of course, after I’ve eaten the last bite, Worry is back.
With buddies: Guilt and Blame and Shame.
Discovering a 3rd Food Battle Question
And so, a third question arises:
“Where’s the freedom?”
Yeah, I know it’s awkward and could even sound accusatory.
But for me, it’s simply asking, “Where am I really going to find freedom? In food? In feelings? How about in faith?”
(To be continued with “Win Every Food Battle Right Here“.)
Eeeek, I went to read this and was right in the middle of indulging in food that I’ve been avoiding! Thanks for the reminder!!
Great post, Cheri!! Thanks.
Great post Cheri! LOVE your WTF questions. Very powerful and easy to remember to be applied to our lives. Thanks for these tips!
WTF!!! I love it!! Great post. We are SO on the same page…the way we use eating as our consent and comfort…rather than our TRUE Constant and Comforter! This week, I’m learning that it’s less about WILL power and more about HIS power. Reading your words felt just like reading mine! (http://cravingsconfidential.blogspot.com). God bless and let’s keep each other encouraged! ~ Miriam
Heya Miriam — LOVE that — “It’s less about WILL power and more about HIS power”!!!
Great post Cheri! So glad you are part of the Made to Crave study too.
Thanks, Amie!
This is so good I might have to put it on my fridge or on my cupboard door! I have found myself shoving food down my throat without thought far too many times, and all to often it is to save me from dealing with a feeling for a few minutes. May God help us to be mindful of what we are doing, and help us to run to Him, not cupcakes! when the going gets tough.
Heya Lina — So glad you find it helpful! (And “…help us to run to Him, not cupcakes” is the theme of tomorrow’s “Part 2”!)
Awww, Janee! You’re so sweet. Glad my words gave voice to some of yours, too.
This made me uncomfortable. Which means I really needed to read it! Why the food is a question I have been asking myself all week. It makes me mad at myself that I even have to. What’s the feeling is the deeper part that makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes I can’t even identify the feeling – which mass me turn to the faith! Still a long way to go, but I’m happy to at least be asking the questions. It’s a start!
Mandee — Love your attitude. I tend to be a “toe stomper” … not because I enjoy causing pain to others but because I hate being stuck and when I find a way to get unstuck, I share it, even if it’s not sugar-coated!
Tomorrow’s post will talk more about identifying the feelings and learning to process food, feelings, and faith in the “right” — or should I say healthiest — order. 🙂
And by all means, keep asking questions. The Holy Spirit will answer!
This sooo hit the mark for me! Thank you very much. Your writing is excellent too. (From an OBS M2C sister)!
Gretchen — Thank you! So glad you found value in my musings. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this! I remember years ago I did something similar. My family had just eaten and a few short minutes later I was in the kitchen and even had my sister ask me what I was doing and my dad giving me a strange look. Didn’t even realize it til later what I was doing.
I love how m2C is helping us notice these things and overcome them with help from God and not our own defenses!
Heya Jacquie — For me, noticing is such a huge first step. I know it sounds elementary, but so many of my stubborn bad habits have stuck around simply because I kept thinking, “Oh, it’s not that bad…” or “I don’t do ____ very often.” Once we’re aware of a negative pattern, we can give the Holy Spirit free rein to lead the change in our hearts!