Change the Past by Seeing it in a New Light
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Common wisdom insists that you can’t change the past.
I disagree.
Two decades ago, I discovered that in some* situations, getting ahold of the right information can completely change the past.
The Great Garage Door Mystery
I can see that Daniel’s patience is hanging on by a thread even before he says, “You left the garage door open again. This makes five times this week, and this time someone stole all my father’s tools!”
Too confused to be defensive, I wonder How does this keep happening? I know I’m forgetful. But this is too much, even for me!
I feel awful about the missing tools, which were Daniel’s few remaining connections to his father.
I must learn to pay attention to details! I tell myself for the zillionth time in my life.
So, I write “Close Garage Door” in bold Sharpie letters on a bright yellow Post-It note and tape it to my steering wheel.
If this doesn’t work, I’m truly hopeless.
I show Daniel my reminder sign. He gives an “I’ll believe it when I see it” shrug.
The next morning, I head out of the driveway on my way to work. And I notice my “Close Garage Door” note just after I’ve pushed the remote.
Done! I congratulate myself.
But when I glance in the rear-view mirror, I see that the garage door is on its way UP, not down.
What on earth…?!?
I push the remote again, watch the garage door go down until it’s all the way closed, and drive away, baffled.
That night, I mention the incident to Daniel. He looks skeptical but says nothing.
A few days later, however, I come home to find him all up in arms.
“I know I pushed the remote as I drove away. I know I did. But I came home to find the garage wide open! The door must be busted…or the remote is defective…”
I’m relieved that he’s had a similar experience with the garage door. And I’m ever-so-hopeful that perhaps the stolen tools aren’t entirely my fault.
Turns out, they aren’t my fault at all.
We catch the actual culprit that same day.
As we return home from grocery shopping, Daniel parks in the garage and hits the remote. Right as we expect to hear the garage door bang shut, we hear it grind to a halt and start to open, instead.
And we both hear another tell-tale sound:
The “flap-flap-flap” of the cat door.
Our daughter’s Siamese cat, Kitsy, has been playing a feline form of “chicken,” waiting until the garage door is almost shut before dashing in, breaking the laser beam and activating the reverse mechanism.
Now that we know the real problem, we easily solve it.
Yes, You Can Change the Past
20+ ago, The Great Garage Door Mystery reinforced this truth:
Limited knowledge leads to incorrect conclusions.
This is why I vehemently disagree with the plethora of pithy platitudes that pockmark Facebook:
- “Remember, you can’t reach what’s in front of you until you let go of what’s behind you. Move forward without looking back.”
- “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”
- “The past is like an anchor holding us back. You have to let go of who you are to become who you will be.”
No, I do not recommend that we stick our noses in our navels and snivel about our past miseries until we become wallowing victims.
But the assertion that moving forward requires avoidance of the past is absurd.
New information allows us to re-write the past.
For example:
- New information about what it does (and doesn’t) mean to be a Highly Sensitive Person gives you greater understanding.
- Greater understanding allows you to re-view and re-vise the stories you’ve been telling yourself … about yourself.
- New stories create all-new options — new feelings, new thoughts, new actions — for getting un-stuck and making progress.
One day you’ll look back and realize in surprise: Everything looks so different!
That’s when you’ll realize that sometimes, you can in fact change the past.
And oh, what a difference knowing the truth can make moving forward!
* NOTE: This post is not intended to address serious issues of trauma such as Abuse, Abandonment, Addiction, Adultery, and/or Apathy.
This reminds me of how I’d have trouble finding my shoes each day before school. My parents would criticize me for not taking them off in the same place every day, or for not taking them off together, or for leaving them in the middle of the hallway. That was until they discovered that our cat likes to carry my shoes around, as if they were kittens. That cat is quite amusing, she’s even dragged my brother’s heavy boots up a full flight of stairs.
“Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it” or something like that. Dwelling in the past is very unhealthy, but trying to wipe it out altogether is also unhealthy.
Wisdom lies somewhere in the middle of the extremes!
I like the comedic version of that saying, “those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.”
Cheri, Just learning that I fit the profile of MSTM is freeing me from some past stuff and helping me to change my present. Last week I was put into a situation that overwhelmed me. This time, instead of telling myself the old script, I thought, ‘Oh right, you are caught off guard and feel unprotected and overwhelmed. Breathe.’ Within a minute or so, I was able to make a decision that has a satisfying conclusion. I’m encouraged for the future!
Garage doors: our one door seem to be open at random times and I couldn’t understand it. One day I was home when it happened. I thought someone might be using some radio frequency device to open doors. A call to the repair company informed us that it was the door – it had been designed to open itself before going into total failure mode!
Elaine — So now you have this MSTM in tears — SO glad to hear you’re finding freedom with new knowledge! And treating yourself with care and understanding. Isn’t it amazing how just a little bit of regrouping can help?
And I had no idea that garage doors were designed to fail in the open position, but it makes perfect sense — that way nobody gets trapped inside! There’s a lesson in there somewhere…;-)
Thank you so much Cheri for bringing up this topic! Today I struggled a lot with this topic! And I got stuck really for a long time thinking, Why can’t I accomplish what I was doing. And before I read your your message I had concluded,'” So I am like my Mom! Now I am happy I can really change as a person! I don’t have to settle with, ” So I am like my Mom.” I can change things around and be who I want to be by learning new ideas or different ways of doing things. Thanks once again. God bless you for bringing that topic up! You were God send!
Esther — Love God’s timing! I’ve got dozens of other partially-written blog posts, but this one popped into my head over the weekend and demanded to be published today! 🙂 And I totally get the “So I am like my Mom” message. I’m learning to expand on that message: “In some ways, I am like my Mom. And I’m also …”
Your premise is what helps people who suffer from PTSD. Changing what happened in the past to a positive so it no longer haunts them. The process of EMDR uses the same assistance in helping people free themselves of their past, too from what I understand.
My faith in God helps me cope with my past as God uses my undesirable choices to comfort, encourage, and bring hope to others.
Both my husband and I have left our garage door open at night or during the day when we are gone and we don’t own a cat! LOL Good illustration, Cheri!
Sharon — I don’t know much about PTSD, but now you’ve got me curious! I’m wondering if it’s related to “learned helplessness” in the sense that the person is stuck in a single interpretation that feels personal, pervasive, and permanent? LOL re: leaving your garage door open! Can’t always blame the cat, unfortunately! (And now that our kids are away at college, we’re discovering that many things we used to blame on them are still happening!)
Lindsey — I hadn’t thought of it in terms of “redeeming” the past, but that’s the perfect word for it! I feel another blog post brewing… 😉