The Best Way to Receive a Compliment
After writing “How to Give the Best Kind of Compliment” last week, I thought about the flip side of giving: receiving.
Which made me think of Emily.
I heard Emily give a keynote address many years ago. Her words, her message, and most of all, her authenticity moved me.
When I noticed her sitting alone at breakfast the next day, I couldn’t help myself.
Although I didn’t know her, I had to say something.
As I wracked my brain for the right words, I also braced myself for the inevitable: her dismissal of my compliment.
The Ways Women Handle Compliments
As girls, we learn so many ways to deflect praise:
- “Oh, it was nothing.”
- “I totally messed up! Did you see/hear when I…?!?”
- “You’re too kind.”
- “You need your eyes/ears checked.”
- “Anybody could have done it.”
- “It was no big deal.”
- “Just doing my job.”
- “I’ve got great genes.”
- “You must be kidding!”
- “I’ve done it a dozens of times before.”
- “Guess I got lucky.”
- “Must have been at the right place at the right time.”
- “That? It just comes naturally to me.”
- “Thank you, BUT…”
- “Bless your heart.”
- “It was all God.”
- (Blush, remain silent, and walk away)
With each of these, we risk sending an unintentional message: You don’t know what you’re talking about.
How to Really Receive a Compliment
“Emily,” I began, trying to sound confident.
Inwardly, I berated myself, thinking I shouldn’t have bothered her.
Emily looked up and smiled.
I blurted out something pathetic, then waited to see how she would minimize my already meager attempt at praise.
But Emily surprised me.
She laughed heartily, threw her arms open wide, and declared:
“Thank you. You just made me feel absolutely wonderful!”
Receiving is a Gift
I still get teary each time I think of Emily.
I’d expected her to reject my compliment, the way women so often do.
Instead, she received it.
Fully.
With gusto.
She told me I’d made her feel wonderful, but it was she who made me feel wonderful.
Emily taught me an unexpected lesson:
When you truly receive a compliment, you give a gift.
Perhaps it’s
- the gift of being heard.
- the gift of being valued.
- the gift of being known.
You may never know.
But when you fully receive a compliment, chances are good that two people will feel absolutely wonderful.
Your Turn
How might focusing on the other person change how you receive their compliment?
for the person who puts thought into giving a compliment, it can feel like a slap in the face for some to NOT receive it in the spirit it was given. it is a gift. welcome it. embrace it. receive it as such and enjoy it. GOD may have sent it your way for an encouragement.
we often forget that altho’ we are all to encourage, there are also those with the gift of encouragement! whether a person is just learning to encourage or has done it for years, you are throwing that gift in their face when you “try to be humble” in some of the ways mentioned. that isn’t humility. that is throwing away a gift that was given to you and it is not only NOT humble, it is rude!
receiving compliments can often be uncomfortable. if you don’t know what to say, start with “thank you!” and move on from there. no “buts”…ever. express your appreciation for the kind words, timeliness? if that is the case. if you learn how to receive compliments, you might even receive more at another time. they can also be great training for giving compliments to others:)
Absolutely LOVE THIS! This is a big struggle of mine as well (receiving compliments). In an effort to not come across as conceited or prideful, I tend to say things like you said above. I LOVE your encouragement here! Thank you so much for sharing this fresh perspective on the importance of receiving a compliment-and how important it is to do it correctly!! ♥
um. . . SHARING, rather. lol.
Yes!!!!! It blesses the giver of the compliment so much to know their love got through. I LOVE the way you’ve reframed this! Shaing. . . .
It is difficult to receive compliments. These are good words to consider. I think we’ve all been hurt by compliments that we gave that were received ungraciously. So, I will work on receiving compliments as if they really made my day, which they often really did.
BTW, thank you for the speech you gave to the incoming parents at Academy Days. Letting your kids learn to fail. . then getting back up and keeping on, without mom and dad holding their hand every step of the way. I think that would be a good blog topic, also.
What great advice! I had no idea what I was doing to other people when I uncomfortably deflect a compliment. Now I better know what to say, and can train my children as well. Thanks for sharing!
I had a feeling this was where you were headed. Men are even worse with handling compliments. Often waiting to hear that we did well, a pat on the back, other kudos. Li
ke it really makes a difference.
I like to just look to the sky and say, “one more for our side ” as I wink towards heaven and draw an imaginary point on an imaginary scoreboard. Being raised a “smartalec” I always try to deflect compliments because my ego is so easily iverfed. I don’t mean hurt to others, just trying to keep ego in check! Now I see that Emily has the right idea. Like all good gifts we should always share.